November 19, 2015

later in november..

We often find our thoughts leaning towards the benifits of drug therapies.. Gabapenten holding our hand again. It all sounds the same, granted but our brain isn't.

Could invest in ourselves enough to buy a decent tablet puter.  Very happy. So much we can do now that we couldnt do before. So many therapy apps..

We have finished with the therapist we were seeing and are still avoiding all msm news. Except for the front pages we fail to avoid..

We are lighter of a lot worst of it or getting there at least. Couldnt say we feel like ourselves but we are starting to recognise us better.

Stomach muscles sore sometimes with the super stressed breathing that gets us sometimes particularly after sleeping or contact with Margo. Or when we think about some of the stuff that went on with therapist but we are getting more confident in getting though it without falling back into all the squished up pieces again.

Not what would comfortably describe as 'present' but wouldn't say we weren't here either.

Not sure we would be saying that without any drugs through. The pain, the anxiety, the programming, the fear would be relentless.

Salu.

November 04, 2015

November

Just need to be sedated in your arms for a year or two and we will be fine. Necking the gabapentin again, pain too constant to triggering. We need different, better drugs. But we have been saying that for a while. I'm sure if you could do something about it you could. 

Feel we have enough of the corners and edge pieces of this extraordinary jigsaw that we just want want hit the inhibitions and get going with the rest. Don't need anyone bullshitting us so we can pretend there's an alternative to the truth. 

So ready.