..dear reader..

 My mum never showed us any disappointment at first when she when she asked us to choose a name and went with Romanov and not her Dad's name. Jewish as fuck. Still can't remember the name she identified with the most for most of her life or names she gave me at our Bat Mitzvah. You can hear her crying all the way through it. We said I love you Mum half way through. Love the whole Hebrew and singing thing. Love the whole no heaven or hell thing but Romanov came with the real history of Earth people's past and present including freemasonry and ancient cults that did start out as anti slavery, real resources about what the UK and US have done and were planning, the beliefs and practices of annihilated people, DID skills which are programming survival skills, maps of Earth and beyond, real science real art and so much more.  Romanov meant training and education in stuff that was otherwise completely destroyed. It was anti slavery, anti misogynies, anti genocide and anti anti Se

 Six months that's about right for a death to properly start to sink in it especially when we were so utterly dissociated before during and after it happened and there is no one to talk to.  I think I said I loved you on the night it happened. You were begging them to let you speak to me. We said please to. You said you loved us too but they put you down before you could say our name. We pretty much believe it wasn't you but the horrific antiyou at the funeral. If I'm not there than neither will you be. Did it still have the scar on the hand I gave it back in the eighties? To help the thousands of girls they would kidnap, buy then traumatise to total dissociation then tell them they were me and then usually murder unless they took to being tortured and torturing others then I would end up having to kill them. Pretty much believe to that there was a similar deal with Dad. We opened the drawer and showed him the frozen corpse of his replacement and said it was being kept for

 Any corner we found for peace, comfort over the decades they had you to destroy it for them. Any happy little, any doesn't give a fuck teen and you and yours were on the phone or at the door. All the fucking calls from your nearest and dearest. All fucking horrible. Calls to tell you your daughter's being abused and getting shit from you because of it become abusive calls from your daughter. Your wife under the impression she will get money from Mom you know because she needs it for basics like healthcare and education.. It's not what Mom wanted especially after she got the full brief on everything that had and was happening to us because of you so you probably have a shot at getting something. The conditions your first albums where produced in. Decade upon decade of horrific fucking crimes that We can't hold you responsible for because your clearly gone. It was still the 80s when the RAF started boasting about having my brother. Like We hadn't noticed. Like we did

 If I remembered both it triggered all the work they forced us today for mum and bro and how amnesiac they both were of it. All set up the way to destroy any hope or love left in us. Were times in Dundee especially when the worst had been fought back or silenced for while and bairn and I were alright in the flat but could hear and feel everything and everyone around them and we felt infinitely freer and generally better off than both of them. That guy next to you that encourages you to forget or not worry about me well he's got my number on speed dial and he's not trying to help. It helped to remember that when attempting to address the abuser controlled DID you were both rocking whilst not making my own worse. And I thought We were nuts. Got to enforce some basics over your living and sleeping space.  We both got our final hugs didn't We? How generous of them. I handed over new tech and intel that the Brits have been hoarding, stealing and murdering over my whole life to a

 Benefit day tomorrow. No idea if it would be best to spend on Junior's xmas or mostly on booze and goodies to keep our spirits up now. If we spend it all getting to December it's going to be particularly misrable if we go through the entire season without contact. Started growing way too late as well. Not sure if there will be much overlap between decorations being up and plant matter. Kind of gutted if we think about that. It will be easier probably to have a sense of Mum there just won't be any live interaction. Won't be pretending it's not her I'm missing but there has always been some more memories and movements of parts around Winterfest even if there isn't any drink or drugs to help facilitate it's always a little intimating as it gets closer. Partly why we go so nuts. Oh yeah we are going to remember everything we are and been and how totally powerless we are to give ourself safe and comfortable living conditions. What fun. Don't want to make

 The only 'The Towers' we wanted, needed and have been involved in plans to harm and/or destroy. If it did exist but no longer became so how would we manage this without formal confirmation? Well We are going to know aren't we? At least partly. The very real deaths from above would theoretically protected it. In would maybe be in our mind as the reason locals always know so much so quickly and were kept ready to do any horrific shit any time. So maybe that would mean the main thing that keeps life so awful for us in the UK is no longer a thing. Yeah We would probably be too anxious and triggered and programmed to want to write about it or have any real confidence in any of it. Yeah it will be after our Mom has died and We wont have to keep ourself nuts to stop ourself remembering who she is and what's happening to her. And yeah we will have remembered We have a Home. And land. And drilling rights. No not any teeny tiny bit of Us thinks my mum decided she was going to le