..dear reader..

I think I might give the blog a rest for a while, I need to take a step back to figure out where I want to take this.  I need to focus on integrating, getting fitter and therapy.  I need to figure out what I want to do here. We are about to start spending some time talking about current thinking on DID so I also need to start trying think of ways to articulate what I mean when I use the term 'mind control'.  I've given her an outline of where I'm at regarding abuse growing up during the eighties and explained a bit working back from contacting her last year but there's a big chunk called the 90s that I'm not remotely ready to think chat or write about.  Ian Watkin's arrest has started that process off, in terms of me remembering who I am anyway and hopefully in uncovering the networks.  Savile's death and the scandals afterwards have made it possible to fill in some of the long term every day blanks in my memory without some...

Sent this to to Jimmy, https://renegadesblog.wordpress.com/2013/01/27/the-devil-inside/ . He spent time in North Wales Care homes and refuses to keep his big gob closed on this and lots of other matters.  I've re-posted it here, then I'm going go back to it later and try and fill in. 'I'm not sure when I met him for the first time.  I remember a man who I think was Savile sticking his tongue in my mouth when I was a toddler and a group of men in suits laughed about it.  After that I taken to various places by various rings and was introduced to someone who definitely was Savile and was told not to let on I had met him before.  I cant remember him being part of anything definitely ritualistic until after we moved out to the country when I was four but I have a strong sense of ritualised abuse becoming very normal to me very early.  'I' wasn't hurt much during rituals before we moved, I was told they were 'just pretend' and ...