..dear reader..

 Thursday rotten though. Dreams, knee, mood, shivers, cist, thought I was coming down with something by the end of the day just aching all over but this morning wasnt so bad. Last night/this morning though yikes. Mini shocks when falling asleep. The doc said the mirtazine has a less sedative effect on higher doses but they dont know why. Never instils confidence that. If it wasnt our premenstal week we might of had the sense to not raise the dose quite as quickly as we were told to but it is so we didnt. Where the dream ended and physical began we dont know. Some of the heart stuff was very real we are confident of that but all the bed stuff is as it was and there isnt any puke patches so the seizure and the bile was dream warning. We couldn’t speak or move properly but could when we woke up enough. He had mentioned seritonin syndrome and warned about it when we said we had taken the sertaline as well one day when we were just so low. How the fuck can we be in danger of serotonin syndr

 We can not We will not leave ourself without the essential plant for so long ever ever again. A Doc asked for blood to make sure the torture arthritis is not something else. Gave it to a nurse who was concerned about our blood pressure she has us monitoring it at home. It is a relief to meet someone who cares about our blood pressure. It doesn’t seem to be as high as it was but our pulse isnt as low as it was with her.  Changed antidepressants or rather taking two antidepressants because we do get a little instant relief from the sertaline and need that. The new one is making us sleep more. Wish we could remember our rap musical from the other night. Not so much the plot though, less white sisters and their people involvement in our abuse. A room with instruments in a dealers house where some of it happened. Some crazy vivid effects that where pretty cool at times. The theme repeated often enough that its remembered even turned up in dreams since as we are trying the remember the word

 Nothing heavy off course. Just lots of beer. Think we have remembered what it was we sang once everyone had been scared and forced off and we woke up deranged, little and alone after Mason was shot in the head outside the flat in Torry. Bits of the chorus from 'I've got a dream' from Tangled. Bit like the short alky ruffian cherub does when he staggers out the bar.  In Tuscany 2017 we heard a Hamilton song. Lin Manual a slaver? Nah. Surely. Nothing has ever been that fucking simple though and is they can't keep us dissociated and split with no fucking recall I doubt the paid talents are going to fair much better. It's never just a case of fucking mourning people. We have to accept the easing of amnesia regarding some vast institution or wealthy nation state and slavery.  It's been asked, what we believe stands in the way between ourself and a life where are friends arn't slaughter in front of us, Murdoch or Disney. Disney. No doubt but no details either bey