..dear reader..

Seems to be a correlation, its an obvious one would be matter of fact in my teens but in my socialy desperate thirties is trickier. Health care professionals, support workers make me feel degraded. I hate that, your supposed to me supporting me I get fuck all done afterwards. I just want, to drink, cry I'm not saying it's all their fault, but blaming me for it 100% doesn't work either. No fly zone, I am going to regret even mentioning it here. I did soon after, western intervention and all that. New world, the whole East/West thing doesn't cut it like it used to. It's nice to to hate everything thats being said my an American though, even if it is only for a while. Good paid for my me shrink, you piss me off you make me want to get pissed, fuck, hand my body to the night in the hope that next time I won't wake up again.. I find someone else. It's not an easy way out or denial its realism. Life's to short to want to waste it, If I feel like th...

It as been great, getting help really can make your day. It's to easy to yet used to getting or not getting it. I was told that it might be worth going for it now, five years ago. I thought that was pretty laughable but I remember the serious faces, it was the wrong time. Now though, I'm pushed forward by my son and the way he lights up the room. Not made for corners and keeping his head down, not that anyone is. Tomorrow I am planning on phoning Izzy's promise to ask for help with the cica. There are reasons why alot of the research and training about ritual abuse is here. I know I have talked to them before but I was also coming into or stumbling out so major truama or crisis. The literature and the poems will keep me swidgy mind safe.. hail ale ..