Is all little all of a sudden. Maybe pills doc gave us for over peeing. Maybe nots. Wishin we had ordered pain killers earlier we ran out. Wishin even more for proper helpful weed. Dont bother wishin for hugs or speaking or other bigger person to help me and big boy anymore. We been lots that we need to do maybe just that. Gonna be in a place we wanna be! Needs a bit more money to do it all soon and without too much stressin and feeling all victim though. But maybe weve sorted that to.. Gonna have to deal with lots of diffetent people and make lots of calls but we can if we know it will be worth it and get to stare at the sea. Lots done already. Gonna be glad to not feel bad for cats coz we cant get rid of all the fleas or when they miawo and we just need to look after selfs and big boy we got nothing left for anyone else. Gonna be so good to not have monsters next door making summer sad and horrible. Wonder wot brain will be like when not here.. gotta be really careful and not get lost but dont wanna be stuck in teeny comfort zone either. Will plan and check self and check ourself and usr phone it will be okay. Maybe even really good. Lady was all “its not very modern” we were all loving it. Its small & quirky like us! Hope we get doc that helps or at least doesn’t make us much worse. Really hate it when the comfy powerful not educated docs make us worse. Feels so hopeless and no one to comfort us about it after. We gonna get healthier away from here. Gonna be so tired and have to pretend we all big lots in mean time and be okay for big boy its gonna be hard at times. Think it might be real start. Hope so and if not we fight on. Feels right I think coz we not sure wot feels right feels like.. love you us. Fingers crossed for easy as poss we already managing so much better than we did, dont be mad about slips. Its okay to be glad margo gone she was able to know us or love us they hurt and controlled her too much. It gonna get better and better.
Interview prep........
Sent this to to Jimmy, https://renegadesblog.wordpress.com/2013/01/27/the-devil-inside/ . He spent time in North Wales Care homes and refuses to keep his big gob closed on this and lots of other matters. I've re-posted it here, then I'm going go back to it later and try and fill in. 'I'm not sure when I met him for the first time. I remember a man who I think was Savile sticking his tongue in my mouth when I was a toddler and a group of men in suits laughed about it. After that I taken to various places by various rings and was introduced to someone who definitely was Savile and was told not to let on I had met him before. I cant remember him being part of anything definitely ritualistic until after we moved out to the country when I was four but I have a strong sense of ritualised abuse becoming very normal to me very early. 'I' wasn't hurt much during rituals before we moved, I was told they were 'just pretend' and ...
