Wildflowers
Hope we arnt too turned off by Jane now that she isn't a virgin.. Glad Michael didn't die though he is delicious. The whole being willing to give porn a go to help her with orgasims thing was particularly difficult for us. How does watching women fake it and directed fucking help it happen for them for real? But we have been told that believing in solid separation between sex and industry doesn't make us a freak, lots of others things make us a freak but not that. Although he may of been saying that so we would consider having sex with him. Not like its ever gonna happen and its a huge relief to feel of wishing that kind of normalcy could happen for us. Geriatric eggs and no experiences of loving sexual intimacy. Fuck you all.
Starting to sink in how much less money we have now because of universal credit and us being unable to fight the standard amount we are currently getting. Done fighting these governments for basic rights. Wish we could cover up the white walls with more stuff. Wish we could buy more clothes not that the other things that stop us from doing that have lessened. Sinking in more to that we are not where we where.
Last night we remembered the voice of the horrible woman from next-door in Cadam and how it cut through us and triggered so much pain and loss and disgust. We could never let the specifics come to fore when we were only just surviving as it was. Super fast underclass Glenrothes even when she hadn't just hit the methamphetamine in order to make herself even more horrific. They were heavily involved in torture, trafficking and killing. They were involved in murdering our and other's babies we told ourself that constantly to stop our curious amnesiac brain from digging up too much detail. Their constant routines of trying to destroy us with triggers was exactly what kept back the recall, held us back in lots of other ways to.
But we are not there now though and we are not in touch with Niall or Johnston's. Just a little help would of gotten us away a lot quicker and less damaged and telling ourself we have done so well to get this far at all considering the size, the nature, the history and the money and everything else that us tried to stop is doesnt help much.
Being away from them means some mental health. Gonna take so long though and we are gonna have to push ourself and we are so tired of having to push ourself without support and knowing there is so little to push ourself towards. Other than not deserting junior we are primarily motivated by not wanting to give soo many sick victims what they want. Survivor spite.
Starting to sink in how much less money we have now because of universal credit and us being unable to fight the standard amount we are currently getting. Done fighting these governments for basic rights. Wish we could cover up the white walls with more stuff. Wish we could buy more clothes not that the other things that stop us from doing that have lessened. Sinking in more to that we are not where we where.
Last night we remembered the voice of the horrible woman from next-door in Cadam and how it cut through us and triggered so much pain and loss and disgust. We could never let the specifics come to fore when we were only just surviving as it was. Super fast underclass Glenrothes even when she hadn't just hit the methamphetamine in order to make herself even more horrific. They were heavily involved in torture, trafficking and killing. They were involved in murdering our and other's babies we told ourself that constantly to stop our curious amnesiac brain from digging up too much detail. Their constant routines of trying to destroy us with triggers was exactly what kept back the recall, held us back in lots of other ways to.
But we are not there now though and we are not in touch with Niall or Johnston's. Just a little help would of gotten us away a lot quicker and less damaged and telling ourself we have done so well to get this far at all considering the size, the nature, the history and the money and everything else that us tried to stop is doesnt help much.
Being away from them means some mental health. Gonna take so long though and we are gonna have to push ourself and we are so tired of having to push ourself without support and knowing there is so little to push ourself towards. Other than not deserting junior we are primarily motivated by not wanting to give soo many sick victims what they want. Survivor spite.
