By Hope
We can not We will not leave ourself without the essential plant for so long ever ever again. A Doc asked for blood to make sure the torture arthritis is not something else. Gave it to a nurse who was concerned about our blood pressure she has us monitoring it at home. It is a relief to meet someone who cares about our blood pressure. It doesn’t seem to be as high as it was but our pulse isnt as low as it was with her.
Changed antidepressants or rather taking two antidepressants because we do get a little instant relief from the sertaline and need that. The new one is making us sleep more. Wish we could remember our rap musical from the other night. Not so much the plot though, less white sisters and their people involvement in our abuse. A room with instruments in a dealers house where some of it happened. Some crazy vivid effects that where pretty cool at times. The theme repeated often enough that its remembered even turned up in dreams since as we are trying the remember the words there to. S, L, A, V, E. Kinda awesome rapping about having our voice taken from us.
Today it was school, deep water, children’s toys and Hallowe’en themed. The endless, drugged/dissociated aloneness we cant get a break from. Weed will, eventually but then we start forgetting how awful it is without it and wanting a little more from life knowing not enough has changed for that to be possible.
Hope is out there, in another solar system the thought of that still has us smiling, Speranza cant. I think she’s dying and cant do anything about it. Her families have chosen that for us, maybe not all of their first or happy choice but still a choice.
We cant force people to stop physically attacking us but we cant force them to show us love, acceptance or home.
