Due North
Dreams and mournings have triggered the first snip. benefits bonus. Gee. Thanks. Started on his and mine xmas. Lets not plan to spend everything so that half of December/January is spent utterly cashless. It's excruciating, every year act out on the desperation, the isolation, the confusion and fury in relatively minor ways, usually with food, booze, spending and telling ourself someone good might contact us even when we know it's not going to happen.
Hey maybe it won't matter and We can take the presents and the new candle holders with us to somewhere safer and nicer or maybe even home. Waking up feeling just as squished but with a much better view and a little practical support and no terrifying neighbors. Wouldn't it really mean something if there was one last good Winter Fest in Britain. With Junior and armed forces cooking and gaming me and face timing with peoples all over by a log fire. Somewhere big enough, private enough and set somewhere beautiful. There must be something, leading to somewhere specific maybe but not necessarily that me and our mothers wangled for now. For until We can go home. So We could almost wish We could stay for a while. Hey maybe it would snow loads to..
Hotels in Norway at Christmas can be perfectly lovely to though. We keep looping back to 'We are not safe here, it's always been extremely dangerous and unpleasant being here why aren't We somewhere anywhere else? This is very very bad.'
It's going to take the world a little bit the catch up, mother no longer being tortured and terrified I'll muck up her exit plan. No reason for any contact with anyone from the British Royal household ever again unless they find a suitable lawyer and are about to obey the law and hand over a nuts amount of property, land, cash, jewels, etc., and it's all British and Stirling so I wouldn't be sending anyone out to possibly die or worse for it. Not what we want back from them the most. Eighties submarine diaries, anything written to us by my mother, her sisters or grandmothers would be a much higher priority. The kind of stuff that will always burn to have had ripped out of your hands. Stuff that's only value is what it means to us so they go to series lengths to take and keep.
Legacy functioning 110%. Always onward out there anyway but now? :-D.. Okay lets make some kind of effort to expand on that. Are We a big girl or are We not? The stuff that kills everything that it is particularly active in Summer in Britain and they like to time visits elsewhere to when they can that stops us leaving the building is no longer a thing. The stuff that when I'm hanging out with friends or family or whatever and We have to remind ourself to get everyone in doors now, very quickly. And isn't some conventional fucking RAF or allied weapon but they definitely are working with it sometimes or more likely something was working them both. And if they had easy access to tech like that We all would be long gone. So We are saying all that is gone and can't reach Earth even if We missed something? And We are still here because We are exhausted and haven't remember our banks bloody phone numbers or anything else useful partly because We have no confidence in our ability to predict what that would trigger. Stupid PTSD.
Friends Traveling faster than my brain can cope with. Actual images of and words about things that happened pretty much as they appeared to happen seeping slowly into peoples consciousnesses with the threat of it all being taken from them the second they step outside. It's awesome. If it's real and I don't have the external images, words and files so it's okay that I'm skeptical.
Tooth extracted weeks ago. Plenty local. No jaw infection. It's fucking out.
It's not really possible for it to sink in. Still too much immediate day to day stuff is exactly the fucking same. No fucking commiserations though. It's hard going. With the flashes of Northern lights, no light pollution, sandwiched between British soldiers, American agents, Italian brothers, time with my mother, Jess, James and the toothpaste spit and slight molds growing in and around the bathroom sink. Quick job the sink that is, might manage it tomorrow. It seems to be settling into Marshall's photo from when he was little being up in the Armory and Jess maybe not being but probably not making it back alone. And Toby of course can go up now to.
Not going out at all really but the eye contact is fucking nasty. But maybe it's just back to not pretending otherwise. News media freeze out continues. Comfortable with it now. Miss some of them but glad to see the areas of my brain returning and it's not forever and ever.
They had too much back then for us to ever figure out some middle road in regards to myself and living conditions. Kept trying and tried hard. Got no where. Still doubt they can adapt to what they have now they are built to fake it until something makes it real again for them. And how can I in this flesh after everything be involved in any way with negotiating them even if a miracle happened and they were capable of approaching anything without the abusive attitudes and behaviors of slavers beyond the reach of everyone and everything else.
Somebody needs to figure out if we are organised enough to move myself and Junior. If We are sufficiently prepared for the worst and emotionally capable of withstanding the best. Our 'nordic' xmas stuff in our Nordic Overlook. Think We would probably need to be there to figure out who we would want there if they could. Maybe mostly just the two of us would be best to begin with anyway. A cat or two.
We would always go to Russian if she needed us and if we wouldn't just be making things worse because of all the attacks.
