Watered and fed the Roses

 We couldnt leave the flat this time last year. Couldn't even make it to the bins sometimes. Think I remember a post about the total dread experienced when May turned to June. Not so this year. Was a bit worried We would feel something close to that awfulness, that triggered terror on the day of the coronation that Tesco and the met office kindly told us about but nothing like it. Jesus those late last year posts acting like we were getting out fucking telling Junior we might be going home and 'twin'? wtf. 

 Unfortunately, ended up in the garden the same time as the downstairs horror story and knew she was going to say something there was no way she wasn't going to mention it. She asked if We watched it I said 'Nah' pointlessly hoping that would be the end of it. She started talking about how 'wonderful' it was and we stuck up for ourself and all that is decent everywhere by saying it's 'a bit ridiculous for a modern country'. She started something then, think it included the word 'you' and in previous years definitely would of triggered another death threat for her but at that very moment Junior bless him turned up at the top of the stairs bemoaning the lack of frozen baked potatoes so We could properly not hear and turn our attention to him. We fought for it to happen decades ago. It was going to happen anyway so why not let my mum publicly abdicate and hope we could spend more time together. There's no abdicating from Royal Enslavement though. Yanks were very against it.

Things are okay. We don't have our names or real ID or anything that inherits or anything We worked hard for and earned, totally without contact, friendship, security, support, safe healthcare, representation, a home chosen by Us and not our abusers or any of the peace of mind that comes with such basics. But fine. We can drink and garden in the sunshine and tell ourself that hopefully that shoes we ordered will fit so will start walking again. We have been using the weights again a little and don't get bothered by the humanoids so much when there's muscle. Need to keep at it though and we arn't getting much of a break in pain. Do work on our arms when they're browned though and they are so that's something.

Tears of the Kingdom has been a wonderful distraction but now We have all the sages are very low on side quests and the main quest is 'defeat Ganandorf' We often abandoned Hyrule at this point. There's still little areas We haven't explored much and annoying stuff We haven't figured out like the depressed Gerudo woman out and of course do not have the full set of climbing gear but do have all three pieces of fucking Tingle's outfit...

Usual when We find anything that helps we binge heavily because it helps and there's nothing else to do. Junior's stopped playing so much he started with the last sage and only recently got access to the great fairies even though We kept telling him about the guy the needed rescued from the crater. Very lucky we just came across him early before we were really thinking about upping clothing defense. I don't know how he does it.

He has one exam left. Turn's sixteen next month. It's official they took his entire childhood bar a few weeks when he was little and during operations when he was older his dissociation dropped. It's triggering how it felt for us in our teens during the forced fake life with all the hate, violence and abuse. We wouldn't be going or having a home when still a child, or twenties, or thirties. I couldn't get us out Dad.


He's staying on and where are trying to not start hyperventilating a the thought of us still being here at 18 and the benefits end and we need to figure out someway for him to be an independent adult in Britain when he's my kid so can't ever be an 'independent adult' even without the autism. The hate talk and behavior everywhere it's going to disappear the annihilated population isn't going to fix itself, the institutions and not going to become safe or even indifferent towards us. That's not how institutions work and it's not what these institutions were established for. 

Garden is gorgeous though. Haven't been taking much pics but this one has my buddy in it. He's always close.


Popular posts from this blog

How do you know Savile to?