..dear reader..

Not 2113 as I was convinced it was last night..Its the 21 Century, easy mistake to make. I was never very sure what to expect in 2012.  It had some significance, the went beyond the Mayan Calendar  even beyond 12,12,12.  There were times years ago when I longed for it to be 2012.  I always knew it would get better.  Aimed low you see, 'look for the bare necessities , until its safe to take more. Things have been okay.  Therapy, Little Man at school, a safe and stable home, friendliness and support from twitter, maybe even a pal near by to! Then there was also the psychiatrist who reads notes and the deaths in the family.  I wouldn't admit that as a good thing anywhere but here expect maybe with a good therapist.  Two less people to worry about jumping out of a cupboard on me or wee man.  Two less people who may hold some tiny snippet of memory that might be used to completely rip apart my conscious unde...

Saturday morning bliss. The thick socks I bought myself for xmas, supplies in. Brew made and junior (bless every perfect aspect and direction in his precious body and gentle and lionlike soul) is elsewhere. Wrote about murder, not of a baby or child. Someone who was registered. With family, with history. I dont feel much in the way of fear or regret about it, I'm sure it will come though. I just feel a little bit more like a human being, a little more like I am part of my own body and mind more than my past. I was imagining I was trying to explain something to someone in a pub. When I didn't have the luxery of not being to remember. When I had to give people answers. Not because I was tortured into it but people needed answers. They needed alternative explanations about all the shit that was going on had gone on the wasn't based on manipulating them to an agenda that did not and would never have their best interests as a priority. Even if most of the time a...