Showing posts from May, 2018

go hunt snails or summin pusses I'm not opening that door..

We are working on something. Poem with garden pictures.. Not today though because we are recovering from a migraine.. Too much sun, booze, triggers, carpet tasting weed. Wasn't sure we would be going back to it after but we opened it by accident and liked it, had more ideas so pretty sure we will and try and post something more crafted and worked through than our usual stuff a bit more like the stuff we worked on for the open university creative writing course.

On the gardening front we currently bothered most by the filth on the kitchen window. We had plans to clean at last December but it never happened is big and awkward a job. Think there would be about a 50% increase in light in the kitchen if it was cleaner though and of course we would have a stunning view of all our fabulous work whilst washing dishes. Things have been getting watered, fed and a couple things moved. Shop is still selling plants so we limped home with a pack of begonias and are awaiting some purple stuff t…

Fuck You Earth.

Think that msm news check will be enough forever. Slavers involved in disregard for human rights shocker. All the big news orgs were handed all kind of evidence and proof of what the Trumps and co are and the extreme curroptions, crimes against humanity, "anti American activities" against US citizens and loads others by aspects of the FBI, CIA, local police, judges, congress ect by us and others. Decades ago and shortly before before the Scots American worst and dumbest that supremist West can produce confirmed he was even standing. They all just look even more ridiculous and irrelevant now to us anyone who knows anything. We will keep in more mind the next time we are bored and triggered into wanting to check the news, MSNBC and there half assed pretence at caring about children being harmed by the administration while fully enabling and normalising and ignoring vast amounts of it.  They are all empirically Fascist in origins and ongoing procedures. The withholding of the …


Got a fair bit done even though we didn't wake up until eleven and got no medicine. Back being careful not to drag any of the muck inside the house into my nice clean garden kinda place. Did a bit of weedin round the front to, there is still loads of roofer crap piled up out there but we been told it will be lifted soon. Didn't get round to putting a spare shrub in the planter that came with the house though maybe tomorrow. Didn't water a damn thing either so that's first on the list tomorrow.

Took the bubble wrap of the new saw as you can see. Haven't sawed up the fair size of a branch we took off. Got dudes help to finish it off so maybe can talk or bribe him into making a start on getting it into stove sized chunks.
Got very dirty tighting the screws on the chimea but its legs arnt wobbly any more and we got the last one in the chimmney so its not bugging us any more. BBQ Asda finest chipolatas for supper on ciabata with salsa. Skewerd some little tomatoes for …

happy sighs, dreaming of you

We are sighing a lot. In the garden or when we look out the window. The council have trimmed the hedges and shrubs and everything is so wonderful and green and alive. We are so glad to be surrounded by it. It helps with the ache. Reminds us that life will just grow if it can even if we don't care for it and guard it, it will keep going.

Getting really warm today we did quite a few little jobs as well as sitting drinking, smoking and watching the pair of blue tits feeding and hanging about on our pretty garden tac. Trimmed back the hedge in spot then dug up earth and put in the spare bordering we took out the top. Moved a few things into it. Soaked it and kept all the seedlings down the path wet and thinned it out a bit. Did a little weeding, swept the concrete and moved pots around. So chuffed. Few more things are almost flowering and the weather helping so much. Wish we could share it with people we could trust. The dude does his best but he's really not that interested. Abo…

another beautiful day

Groceries arrived just after twelve and we had already noticed the sky turning blue and were not back here until after six. We moved the fern that got repeatedly trampled on by ourself and the blokes who cut the hedge to a patch of border shaded by one of the mad happy buddleias. Separated out some of crazy number of seedlings that really seem to not be weeds along the path and made the bit at the top bigger with the same wooden border as we have running down the side of the pink fence. The stubby pink buddleia is bound to prefer not to have all those bricks and shit where roots could go. We are glad to have it done.
Thought we got a picture of the blue tit but its all blurry. She was around a fair bit today. Couldn't sleep last night. It didn't feel right, we wanted to stay up with parts from the past who are still in hell more than they are here. The bird song was amazing. There was something outside the window making such weird noises it made us chuckle.
Attempts to not ge…

It's all your colors. All your work.


no he's my only Daddy

It was a long day until the hash showed up. Tablet games and some Amazoning and adding to saved songs but the pain just getting worse and worse. Washed down the second doze of codiene with Cabernet Sauvignon and strawberries. Helped with the hour or two before the first spliff. Horrible night mostly but something made us wake up in a weird laugh, it wasn't enough to shift all the anxiety dreams hangover but much better than how we woke up before that. Teeth falling out again and a bunch of other worse shit.

Daddy David. We can't say its good or a relief to be able to write that and remember. How could that ever be true after they way we were treated, the way he died. We did not treat other like that though and it is better in some ways to be in a place where we are longer keeping it all at arms length because survival dictates, to feel our internal splits and parts more without having to constantly enforce tunnel vision. Other people to. Its good that they can look on us know…

I love you David.

Almost got the blue tit several times today.

Will be cool seeing it all grow out there so we took lots of pics.

"In the states we shot yis.."  "Or lynch yi." Another one added and they all made noises in agreement and approval. "Not here though. Got summin else planned for you."

I will get out.

Its just coming up to have past five and we are already inside, showered to wash off the sunbathing and anxiety dream sweat with the lap top bed table out and a cup of tea while half a tin of cider goes flat in the fridge. Not just cause its gone hazy and cooler. Its our mood. The need to cry comes over us every few minutes like contractions. Looks like we will continue to be cannabis less for a while to coz the boy just texted to say he's avoiding his house because of warrents. Hello you brainless fascist raping murdering genocidal child torturing meat puppets. Sorry but we will go without rather than have anything more to do with any of your girls. And yes despite being told not to we have painted the fence pink. As we have repeatedly stated the forces that forced us to pretend you have power over us are not a thing anymore but you can all keep waiting for instructions I'm sure some wealthier fascists in another country will come up with work for you all soon enough.

No mon…

All very lovely but there isn't a clean dish in the house..

And we are wearing junior's pants.

A definite improvement and yes another coat on the slats would be cool but we are all out of paint and money. I've been wanting to paint that friggin fence since Margo and Laura were being shown around this place. Filling into the massive cracks and splits took quite a while but easy and satisfying. Got bath salts and bio oil as well as booze that we can't really afford yesterday but we had to because of the fence painting, the weather and because it was the 17th. Went and got more booze we couldn't afford today because we drank what was left after chucking the brushes and the empty paint tin. 

Glad we have three tins of super sweet berry cider in the fridge though, weather looks to be a blinder again tomorrow so the shorts will probs be getting put on again.

Out of bloody hash though and are really not happy about that and will try to give ourself debt for Tuesday than just accepting that we are getting fuck all. Will try do some st…

I'm proud of me to Mama

Yesterday's post should probably of been called "The Dream" but its been discussed by others so much for so long and so loaded we couldn't work too much on it. Couldn't not make some proof reading effort either though. Its real to us now but hasn't been before now. We always knew that's how it worked and they could attempt to guess at its significance decades ago all they wanted. They were never going to get it. Any of it.

Today though. The first coat is done.. And its wonderful of course. Tomorrow we are gonna get more filler and brushes for the bits the mini rollers couldn't reach. Putting all the baskets back up is gonna be an absolute joy. Probs will do the wooden borders .. Soo many pretty colours. It just won't look dreich no matter the weather.

Beautiful today though. Cold wind but perfect for working in my fabulous sheltered backy. Sitting on the bench in the evening sun, drinking pink wine all sheltered and probably not putting on enoug…


All settled in. Hedge was cut great to have the top of it done. Food was eaten. As we said the massive meal we were longing for the night before seemed like a preposterous idea at seven this morning. But we got the dude a hot sausage roll and a cinnamon swirl and had decent sausages on a bread roll after he left for school. Stupidly excited waiting for the hedge cutters. They turned up as we actived a talisman in seekers we knew that would make them turn up and it worked. Sun soaked, beer drank and by god the joy in beholding the Scottish flag on boxes of strawberries.. Got two. One for me and one for him and as its the first of the season they are all gone. Old el paso for tea. On offer and the whole meat and veg cooked veg and raw veg are wrapped up and sauced up was a way better than anything that could be delivered here. Stuff arrived a bit late but that here now.  Lots of cups of tea and a salts and oils bath, junior went into after us. He needs to was his hair though but we did…


We got to sleep pretty fast but woke up all hopeful that it was near seven so the lass would drop of the tenner, the shop would be open and we could have tea and fags! But it was half past friggin three. So glad when sevenish eventually arrived and pabs dropped the tenner on our head. It's an utter nightmare sometimes the whole thing about not being able to buy less than 30g of baccy because we couldn't afford that and bread and milk so had to go for twenty cheapest fags and have smoked them all. Tuesday is only hours away though. We will get up early get what we need and eat and eat and eat. It will be morning so we probs won't want to but thats what we are thinking about now. Food. Eggs sausages  beans tomatoes maybe even those tattie scone things that are tasty when fried.. Shared the last tin of tuna between the cats and myself and that has helped settle my stomach from doing its need protein freak out.

At the school for a meeting today and it occurred to us after dro…


Beautiful day. Did bugger all but pull out a couple of weeds. Rain overnight did do a bit of damage to the bent but not much. Watched the birds feeding a lot. Sunbathed. Made noodles and tuna for tea. Theres is spaghetti, tins of tomatoes, olive oil and cheese so some kind of meal is possible. Think there is one egg left to! Weather says Monday will be lovely our lack of milk for cups of tea, baccy, bread, biscuits, beer, cannabinoids, says otherwise.

Fell out with wotsherchops again. She doesnt seem to connect us giving her hash and sharing wine etc with helping us out with bread and milk when we are without all the essentials and this really gets to us when we are without all the essentials. But what the fuck doesnt get to you when you are without all the essentials. Then she said if we really needed her she would be there for us despite days of us needing her and getting ignored or told she would help if she could.. We ranted a bit in a few texts after that. Then stopped and reste…

June’s gonna be so cool.. (Huh??)

The bench got two coats today. Resisted the urge to turn it upside down and paint the underneath of the slats. Will have a look at it tomorrow and patch any thin bits if it needs it and its dry. Its barely made a dent in the big tin of garden paint.. We have to do the fence that's on the side of the tidy garden neighbour. Getting more cheap screening and wall planters at some point is the best we can do for other side. Predictably tired and sore and proud. No more photos until hedge has been done..

Will maybe start preping the area tomorrow.. Will have to take it easy though because of the no money for food thing. We got a few bits and pieces but we don't wanna be getting creative in the frigging kitchen we wanna be working in the garden and have loads of caloiries and food prepared by someone else to keep us going. Someone working with us would be great to but we can't properly imagine that yet. We can imagine having cash for junk food and gardening beer though.


"...we agree S.A.D may be a factor..."

The forecasts were right about today. Mostly sunny with a shower in the afternoon. We started speaking to whatsherchops again (not the blonde one) and she texted after eight and good thing she did to because neither me or the lad were up. We put the throws we washed last night as part of the war on fleas on the line and took this one on the wash after we spraying it in insecticide yesterday. Its the pusses favourite blanket as well and we have gotten to attached to it to chuck it.

We confirmed the gardeners for next week in the morning as well. Then a delivery dude showed up. Six egg shaped candels that we decided we needed when on valium for the candelabra that only takes eggs shaped candles. They're an Easter thing and we reduced and are pretty colours. Stupid prices for egg shaped candles they were the cheapest we could find. When ended up not coming back to rest for a while after that. Cleaned the kitchen abit, looked for snails, hoover the rest of stairs we missed yesterday …

normal activities normal memories

Hoovered the livingroom. Its long overdue. Then sprayed the carpet, stairs and throws with flea killer coz the place is proper crawling.   Then took the shinny new bypass secitures to the monster hedge where its growing over the fence and the neighbours dilapidated shed. They were sharper than we thought they would be and went for it for a little bit. Totally knackered ourself and had to order food on skint week could not deal with cleaning kitchen and cooking to.

Its frustrating when mentally we are up for getting shit done but our body has us back under the duvet unable to move. Memories of secetures being used to cut of the finger of a living child. Well gardening or not gardening keeps a constant flow of that kind of stuff. Harder to manage when we have over done it.

We remembered our meds though and had shower, offered dude some reading time but he turned us down possibly for the best considering the nik we are in.

You understand our issues with patriarchy now?

Not so positive this morning. Pain is back of course we got no weed. We couldn't help but fall back to sleep and get trapped in anxiety dreams. We doin our best though, watered and picked out slugs and snails. Mostly little things, a couple of the big monsters that I've seen so many of out there. They do so much fucking damage. Might even read up on the pellets after finding a big one on a baby petunia that we surrounded in cooper tape, its sharing a big basket with the ivy that's been in years and gives lots of cover to nasties. All our lovely lattices are basically snail nursiers which is shit but we are probs in a better place now to pick as many as we can out each day..

We keep seeing corpses being dumped in holes then trees planted over them. We are looking at the beach hedge and wondering if it was done here. Its possible and we would of been told that was done at this house but that doesn't mean it was. "This whole country is a mass grave of your kind.&quo…

Its not personal its genocide.

Actually genuinely enjoying May. And in Fife. Fucking weird.  Not being in a state if petrification. To enjoy the first warm days and not be indoors feeling awful and hateing that I can't bare the sunshine and feeling like there will never be any kind of sunshine for me. Doin the drinking gardening and smoking thing without making ourself ill with it and not having moments when we cry or suddenly feel like we are going to. Looked after our skin today last years barely used factor 15 and proper lip stuff to. We have dried out and burnt our lips a few times all the fire stareing isn't good for them either. Its so good to not hit trigger walls every time we want to take basic care of ourself.

Took a load of waste from the bottom and put a few of the baby shrubs that arrived yesterday in. Parts of it get a fair bit of light down there.The shrubs flower at different times of year.. I think. And the thing growing out of and under the steps has finally been properly removed and not …

Last year..

Still very excited about being alive and having a garden. Some tiny lobelia arrived through the post box today and changed our plans about having a lazy day. We only bought the butterfly bush last year and put the clematis in late so its yes all very exciting. Looks like we lost a fancy fern from down the bottem to the cold or being suffocated in dead leaves or both. Would be great to have the fence painted wouldn't it? If we get the blokes to loads of really expensive hard shit maybe they will be okay with doing it cheap.