Showing posts from June, 2016
Give me a break. Im in a locked psychiatrict NHS unit. There is no Wifi..

what next..

I need to get home to Versailles now..

Fuck You Vatican

We know no contact and no news does not know that no one wants to contact us and that there is no news. We also still know we are alone in Britain and all the worst antihumanitarian shit is untouched and ongoing. We can still feel that Reading station. Just like we were programmed to through ids that still stroll in and out of BBC, NHS and/or government buildings. We were kept there tied up a lot. It's Britain. Keeping high IQ children drugged up and in various kinds of metal boxes, putting explosives in them that will go off if they are rescued or sometimes, just gently held is what all industries and officially sanctioned "creativity" just like the US.

The U.S is bigger though. There are much more resources of all kinds. It is possible to find people who will listen, who will act, who recognise the only borders are between people who acquiesce in such total control and total fascism and those who don't.

We could hear them last year. We knew there wasnt any more ch…

ever decreasing circles eventually go pop

Yeah we will most likely be coming back to all that.. Mental. The fucking whole fucking world has either declared war on you UK or refused the fight against us and you are all pretending it isnt happening or wont effect you..

We've remembered what we found when we peeled back Jon's face.. Someone had been here before, once as an adult an once as a child at least but no obvious sign of physical trauma. A lot of effect for a trafficking network to go to.. or was it attempts to keep him out? Lizzie said she didnt know but like she could talk but me and Margerat always find a way. Oh yeah that fucking voice in our head saying "Russian" .. did the KGB say they were missing someone and feared the worst. Dude I'm more Jewish than you are.. Vlad shared the DNA profile. Oh thank fuck.. yeah Putin eventually being able to talk to the KGB and vis versa is kind of one of those "oh we might not always be slaves things" .. but it will take fucking years..

oh my god.…

The Purges. (1st draft)

Thank fuck for the German's and when we got there after being pushed back from up in Scandanavia somewhere, Marseilles. German's of course had seen it coming. There was plenty there that had survived every kind of buracratic psyduo scienticific Satanism that had crushed everyone around them. Plenty humans around in positions of authority. Orders were switched on a massive scale. Hospitals, schools, industries, militaries and business who deal with dead, were cleaned by this side and not the other. We knew there was nothing that umano FBI could do in the states they would just be destroyed but working with what the fascists were doing to corpses in Germany while they heard everything they loved in what many of them still thought of as their "home nation" kept them safe and Germany in the end to.

"Don't believe everything you are hearing. We are evacuating some areas by force and letting the enemy think they have taken them" We kept telling them. You se…

Exploding Humans.

I'm born and bred in the compounds and factories with natural potentials than had me ear marked as someone who could be broken down into something that would take over from the old Nazi and other source programmers. This meant privileges when we were very young to show we were one of the fascists and not one of the subjects. They would take us to their posh homes, put powerful or very valuable objects in our hands and tell us it would be ours one day. We knew we werent alone though. We knew we didnt have a choice and not in the way they were telling us. The issue was always all far to go along with it. The longer and better we pretended the more we saw of how they operated and the closer we got to doing real damage to them and their systems. Of course though, the more damage I saw the more damaged I was.

 So from tiny babyhood we saw and were being trained in what they were doing to people and how they did it and what the long term plans were, what the brain damaged hate bots run…

battle lines

Well Pabs programming is anything other than we that it would be "what is the news said a meteor was on its way? Not a meteorite mummy a meteor there is one ever 10000 years.." "what if this glass in my hand exploded mummy. Ever since I was hit in the head twice with a tennis ball I cant stop thinking of explosions" "this is how I speak in my dreams to the aliens.." When we suggested that if a meteor was on its way we would have to leave our stuff and he started crying.Well tomorrow is tomorrow after all.

We he said the shit about the tennis ball and after we road the wave of anxiety we said loud and clear "that's a trigger honey. .. Just means you got a scare.." and whatever else we could muster like "we gotta your head fixed honey"..

No fucking way is he going back to that school after the break. We will be able to burn this place down and head to Glasgow with him this year. We cant stay in this house or this area. You sick fuck…

Anaiese and Roberto.

Nathan said some stuff and asked some stuff when we got back. God it was so horrible to be back with people who weren't there. He asked if the autopsy footage was real and if was us, about the caravans with less holes in the sides. Just repeating the words and running through the reactions as arranged. Every fucking word any of them has ever said to us. We could see them reading the script in their head. Word for word.

We were sitting on one of the steps outside one of a van we had cleared a day or two and it was spotless now. We were drowning. The flashbacks, the battle between useness and nonusness that we know is RF when its that bad. We keep telling ourself we were just triggered not because we believed but because it calms us down and anything that calms you down when your losing it helps you.

The running through the forest calling Marco Polo sex after forgetting we had been tortured is crap of course. You have to be seriously out of it even with DID for your body not to tel…

Fascists versus Socialists Sir same as it always is. With us anyway..

How often do we see "Italy" in our stats? Somewhere between rarely and never. "Just break your heart anyway Quine." Front page internet its not like we dont know that it all varies between a suggestion of truth and fiction. We fucking hate you fascist internet engineers. No one has any time for "I had no choice" once we show them you did.

"when the women that play you are all dead who do you think they will go for"
"my daughters of course.. but they will always be after all of us anyway and we are a lot less concerned now that you have just told us your intentions"

He sounded all smug and male and completely groomed to believe that they are all power as long as they act like they are all powerful. And denied everything. Then we started listing details. Cant hear enough of that rapists' smugness evaporating. He changes he's tone. Starts talking to us like we were a junior male staff member. We list more. He's talking to us …

Biteing off the hand that keeps me starved

We know this isnt going to be any kind of cathartic, take the power back "fun". This was up against everything 90% of us had been taught and experienced. This was going to hurt and be scary. There wouldn't be any nano to nano programming in the victims. They had to have no idea and be completely convinced we were prepared to accept their ideas about "compromising". Then it hit us as the simplest and best stuff does, like falling arse over tit after walking into an object that you were looking at the whole time you approached it.

What if we told the truth? That is what we have always, if we dont know what to do, if we want to make sure it's self defence. Tell the fucking truth. Give them Julia.

"to be honest Sirs with the things we have done here in the last few days, the rapists that we know will not be raping ourselves or any infants everyone again and the love we have gotten for it we would be happy to cancel the Palermo plans, forgot about our mone…

Marco. Polo.

Kind of spoiled the romance and passion at bit didnt it. Stumbling through the woods using the game you used as children to fall in each other's arms and make love and then she is in incredible agony because she has DID and forgot she had been hurt bad recently and his mates didnt want to tell him because it would upset him..

Your on your way yeah? Your English will be even better than it was a year ago. They are very serious. We were in their care when we were lost to the worst and the breeding for years. They were and are no more happy about that than we are. They forget nothing. They treat as really well so we havent been fucking with their computer systems for the last 2 decades like we have everywhere else with the possible exception of Palestine who have nothing worth fucking with any way. (Dude would really love you help you out here but I suspect if I did I would be as well bulldoze your family homes my fucking self)

We remembered being up on the roof with a few of our wu…

Are you sure Sir?

We already knew. It's how it works with us. Phone calls are verbal confirmation when we its so serious we cant fucking believe they are going to let us do it.

We had to walk. We didnt get far. We knew he would spot a strong emotional reaction in us from very little, very quickly and we were going to have to come up with something but not just yet we were going to have to sit down because we feeling very large colourful spots. The steps behind the back of the bar will have to do. It's not like privacy was any kind of option anyway it was daytime and busy.

"Are you sure Sir?" and repeated whatever utterly obvious code between us that we were using. He was defintly saying yes. He sounded like he could be either pissed off that we need to be told and told repeatidly told or like he had a gun to his head. Either way. That would be his problem. There was a permanet record all over the shop just giving us the order..

The big colourful blotches werent going away even off th…

Was he ever here Daddy?

He had stopped coming into our bed so much in the mornings and has been getting up later. We had to wake him one day this week and neither us of know anything until after nine on Monday. Think we will take that bank holiday to thank you even if it doesnt apply to Scottish schools. We was chatting hard from 6 something this morning though. We wanted to cry. We weren't there at the gate for him yesterday he walked down with other parents. We were asleep.

Didnt think we would be writing so early today. But seen as everyone, everyone on twitter is saying someone who choose violence for money was the greatest man ever we had to come here. How better a way to keep the white watchmen of culture happy than boxing. Punching people for a career isnt nice. Never had much time for all that "yeah but its just to get in a place where real positive change can be made" shite either. Tools. Where the fuck do you think that comes from? People who really are making positive social changes…

Blue Moon

Going to need the air con vans, reception. Saw to look on the guy when we checked in. We figured he would be happy to help. We were not wrong.

How much of this can be do without asking CIA guy for help?

its brain surgery, I have DID, there are lots of people who dont want us doing brain surgery, any ptsd person can tell you a nasty trigger can stop you from doing whatever it is you are doing, they would be planning on making it impossible by blasting us with triggers relating to traumas we had not processed yet.

Basically I cant do surgery unless all the people we are most scared of are being watched very carefully. Gotta sit down with different people and list the people we are most scared of the things we are most scared of them triggering and will already be doing. This was looking more and more like a very good idea.

We wouldnt of been physically able to have these conversations before. We wouldnt of been able to motivate ourself to have them now without a specific task, somethin…

I need my brain surgeon.

"Can I try some less physically invasive exploration in there before we take an axe to his skull and I separate the pink to find whatever the fuck is in there?"

There was no immediate objections. Someone didn't look to happy and was looking thoroughly unconvinced by everything but that was maybe because he didnt understand what we were saying or more likely didnt believe a word of it and thought we were up to something. And also we remembered when we took another glance and saw him a decade or so younger standing smoking in a forest of tall tress somewhere that's just how that dude looks when he's lost.

Whatever it was in there we didn't like the look or feel off down to a very deep level and needed it not to be transmitting or receiving or doing whatever the fuck it was doing with everything ongoing. We hate that shit. How they  literally took the light out of peoples eyes and there was no switching it back on. He didnt hold himself like a man who there rap…