..dear reader..

Wish my psychiatrist knew a bit more about Ritualic and Satanic Abuse. I was talking about nightmares and how May the 1st was an important day in the calender and she asked me if I was a practising Satanist (because people have the right to practise whatever they choose).  The look on my face answered her question.  I started talking about how I have heard there is 'satanists' who aren't into killing babies and eating shit but I trailed of and said I believed in healing and would like to get more into  meditation.  I said that I didn't know what my parents believed during the abuse in terms of their alters/drugged up/disassociated states or whatever but outside of it they're both staunch atheists.  I've always found it a bit stifling.  Sure a share a healthy disrespect for organised religions but to rule out all spiritualism, all sense of being part of something bigger, of a connection and wonder in regards to everything and everyone, not for me....

have it! the idea to link all my mad whore ramblings over the years. I written the first draft of the introduction and am sure about the title for know anyway. Of course I have instantly lost confidence in whole thing but can see myself plowing through to get an intial draft down using notes and seeing where it goes. It's the later drafts that will be hard and hopefully the most rewarding. Bit of pain, lots of pain even, tearing through the rations. The high strength codine seems to be assisting the chapter headings and sending of new song was all done under the influence. Wish it came easier without artificialy lowering inhibitions. Fuck it, think match.com might be getting my money after all, got an email from badboy24 wouldn't mind seeing what he has to say. Mad isn't it readers, intelligent young woman fighting and strugglying against violence and abuse and who does she want to talk to? Badboy24, messaging would probably be all I need anyway, then try and fi...