..dear reader..

Spring ANPs waking today.  Girls that came from good homes, that laugh easier and freer who developed their understanding of themselves outside of abuse, who were loved when they little.  I will never be comfortable using the term 'Apparently Normal Personalities' in regards to anything that is me but its what we working with at the moment and it has a ring to it. ANPs are the parts that manage the day to day running of things.  For me that has to include who deals with the constant flashbacks of horror and disturbing associations in every day objects and activities.  I haven't read or reviewed any of the reading on ANPs and ritual abuse victims recently, I'm trying to work with my therapist mostly and notice who is around with us rather than delving in to other people's research.  Due to the holidays I have two weeks until there is any more appointments though, my brain will probably be pretty different by then anyway.  Sure its b...

When we first spoke on the phone I thought her accent suggested she might be too posh but she's not.  The psychiatrist was cheery, down to earth and had read my notes.  Read my fucking notes!  That is rare thing.  Now all I need is a cheery, down to earth gynaecologist and it will be full clip.  G has been and gone.  We went for walk after therapy and had lunch overlooking the water, it sunny, it was warm and the food was worth the money. So Diagnosises then.  He drew a Venn diagram to try and sketch out where he wanted to go in regards to my psychiatric conditions.  I appreciated the way he worked and the fact that he does work.  'I will do a bit of research'.  From a psychiatrist, a fucking NHS psychiatrist!!  Bless 'im. Gotta mention Liverpool though.  And not mention 9/11. 'hang themselves in shame' - Classic. 

Can't put a price on feeling positive and inspired. Sooo. No one has contacted social services about my sister yet.  Well not as far as I know anyway.  After her last binge mum agreed again to give her one last chance, as long as she went to her sessions, took some drug that might help cravings and stayed sober.  Mother also offered to pay for Alkysis's to have private therapy.  This had me spitting a few feathers at the time.  Alkysis has never shown much interest in therapy whenever she has been offered it in the past.  Legend has it that she went to one AA meeting and turned up gutter and was asked to leave.  She made out she was still going for weeks taking my mums and money and hitting the pub, or the bus shelter toilet with a bottle of rum or whatever it is she does.   Whereas I have a sense of 'therapy' being one of my first conscious words along with 'no', 'lawyer' and 'sore'.  'Police' came a bit later.  She has n...