May 18, 2013


Felt the progress in therapy this week.  More of the teenage girls have come forward, that know love, friendship,  fun and were musicians, dancers who needed and worked hard for their art.  I hear and see them see them singing and playing almost constantly, awesome.  Some spent enough time in the states to become functioning conscious ANP's who knew we would all be heading back to Scotland sooner or later and usually via some English and/or European rings aiming to make a lot of money fast over a few days and were going to work and sell me to get it.  You know it works with sexual abuse, porn and anything else for that matter if you start to get into something.  It was always getting worse.

Sometimes I'd arrange to avoid all that by going back before being picked up from where ever it was that I was starting to think of us as home by a group of government drugged, raped and mind control enforcement agents.  That would leave me back in the UK with a whole heap of knowledge that I hadn't had, instead of waking up without having any idea about having just been carried of an airplane   By arranging to go back myself it was sometimes possible to avoid the welcome rape that generally happened if I had been away somewhere else, being someone else regardless of whether I remembered being away.

Its not pleasant seeing it all in black in white like this but the filth and unlikeliness of it all is on the page, instead of with us.  Its the same with making police statements.  When you make some attempt at describing something that is happening to you when so many parts want to pretend nothing is happening or to wait in the hope it all goes away by itself and then they read it back to you it has always felt incredibly good.  As long as the statement is the truth as much as possible.  It doesn't matter if they are all smirking and rolling their eyes at each other like twelve year olds in Sex Ed.  The police have been friendly and professional just as often with not at the making the statement phase as much as they haven't and its not like I ever really expected there to be in real or legal consequences for any of it for anyone.   Not in the short term anyway.

Book writing fantasies again.  I keep coming up with really good ways to write about all this as fiction and literature then find myself totally lacking in what it would take to actually sit down and write it.  I'm also been thinking about how maybe we should work on drawing skills and give the words a rest for a bit.  Book writing is for old people.