5
Currently working on our PIP appeal and Netflix of course. No surprise about the PIP, knew we didn't put enough information in it. It came just after filling the same fucking form for UC and couldn't go through it all again also when a woman turned up for the face to face we knew we would downplay and make out things are not that bad as people tend to do, especially people who have be ''trained'' to. Plan is to send in our scrappy request for mandatory consideration saying we will write more if andy when we get a printer because handwriting is fucking painful, holding the pen too tightly because of the stress and anxiety of it doesn't help.
Think its likely there will not be much posts now, since the last one. Quite a few have been started but words wouldn't flow, there is a strong sense in a various aspects of us that one of the main reasons for this whole blog was to get us to a place where we could integrate the memories described in the November post. The being brought round covered and surrounded by the hacked up body parts of someone who loved us. As we already had a complex system there was a lot of dissatisfaction that we appeared to have forgotten that it had happened so it would have again. Last night we saw a birthday candle in amongst guts and being told ''Happy Birthday! Eat up!''. We know the whole thing about it happening again because we survived is the usual crap aimed a making the victim feel responsible for being victimised. It's our old neighbours we see saying happy birthday and their forced loud laughter we hear. You left me and our son living next to them for years and that has resulted in us just not seeing and feeling for people at all, just non human non entities.
Of course we are not certain of how many times it happened but there was one word that came from us last night as an answer without any supplementary images, noises, smells or sensations thankfully. Just ''Five'' with our left hand with fingers stretched out.
Been reading 'Alone in Berlin' thankfully so far its been light on the descriptions of atrocities, we are not or are likely to get any better at not really struggling after descriptions of murdered small children. Also switching between reading it and its depiction of the personality of the Fuhrer and those loyal to it, the opinions and rationalisations of the German populace and reading news from the States in particular is something we need to be careful with because of the similarities. It's not him it's the people around him/yes something should be done about the Jews but not so extreme and so quickly/He can't handle it when he doesn't get his own way/to question or critise is treasonous/party loyalty is most important when it comes to getting and keeping employment and promotions regardless of merits and skills. The state sanctioned and enforced thievery but that's hardly just a Nazi Germany and Trump American thing. The disregard for truth and facts. The superiority complexes based on nothing.
Yesterday we managed a half decent walk in the morning, it was a bright cold day and enjoyed most of it but of course that meant we couldn't sleep last night and can't keep our eyes open now. That's okay, we will just nap there is no one here to stop and punish us for it. And it's raining.
Think its likely there will not be much posts now, since the last one. Quite a few have been started but words wouldn't flow, there is a strong sense in a various aspects of us that one of the main reasons for this whole blog was to get us to a place where we could integrate the memories described in the November post. The being brought round covered and surrounded by the hacked up body parts of someone who loved us. As we already had a complex system there was a lot of dissatisfaction that we appeared to have forgotten that it had happened so it would have again. Last night we saw a birthday candle in amongst guts and being told ''Happy Birthday! Eat up!''. We know the whole thing about it happening again because we survived is the usual crap aimed a making the victim feel responsible for being victimised. It's our old neighbours we see saying happy birthday and their forced loud laughter we hear. You left me and our son living next to them for years and that has resulted in us just not seeing and feeling for people at all, just non human non entities.
Of course we are not certain of how many times it happened but there was one word that came from us last night as an answer without any supplementary images, noises, smells or sensations thankfully. Just ''Five'' with our left hand with fingers stretched out.
Been reading 'Alone in Berlin' thankfully so far its been light on the descriptions of atrocities, we are not or are likely to get any better at not really struggling after descriptions of murdered small children. Also switching between reading it and its depiction of the personality of the Fuhrer and those loyal to it, the opinions and rationalisations of the German populace and reading news from the States in particular is something we need to be careful with because of the similarities. It's not him it's the people around him/yes something should be done about the Jews but not so extreme and so quickly/He can't handle it when he doesn't get his own way/to question or critise is treasonous/party loyalty is most important when it comes to getting and keeping employment and promotions regardless of merits and skills. The state sanctioned and enforced thievery but that's hardly just a Nazi Germany and Trump American thing. The disregard for truth and facts. The superiority complexes based on nothing.
Yesterday we managed a half decent walk in the morning, it was a bright cold day and enjoyed most of it but of course that meant we couldn't sleep last night and can't keep our eyes open now. That's okay, we will just nap there is no one here to stop and punish us for it. And it's raining.
