oh no but what about all those mass events we had planned..

 Do feel for people with social lives and those in the caring professions and parents with kids of school age in general. Its going to be tough losing the only time we get when Junior is being cared for and educated by other people. Not like we going into this after a weeks or even days of feeling not too bad as we have been able to recognise March is a bit of a monster for us mood wise usually we are so focused on February and don't remember it's actually March that has us drowning in nightmares, savage depression, migraines and of course catching every virus Pablo takes home form school and from the occasional sniffing shop assistant. The one before this one was particularly nasty it was before other countries outside of China were testing but we vomited when it was kicking and ended up having to stop when we did get out self to go to shop or do house work because of breathing problems. It shifted with the steroid inhalers soon enough so we didn't need doctors or anything. When over the worst of it we had a few days of sleeping really well, naps and all night until the anxieties won over again.

Current one is particularly awkward of course it's not much just slight fever and generally feeling crap but it did cost us the last two days of child care before they shut the schools. Needed to not wake get up at eight and make sure we was up and getting ready, there is a pretty sold link between fucked up sleep patterns and fucked up immune system. Woke up on Thursday afternoon after over twelve hours feeling pretty decent but just a couple of hours of nightmares this morning and a couple more in the afternoon today. Skene supposedly but the place and grounds around if totally done up, they had built an amazing looking music studio in what used to be our room but half the floor and most of the landing had collapsed. Everywhere else looks beautifully remodeled and refurnished and we knew that wasn't right and before we woke it started getting clearer than it was faked and started falling apart. CBD in the hemp oil isn't helping with the nightmares or the state we are when we wake but maybe it will if and when we can get a couple of weeks infection free. We have noticed a little instant feeling betterness with it but that could be placebo or triggered by our brain because it fells and tastes like something that helps. Found ourself staring, growlering, despising the 'THC free' printed on the label on the tiny little bottle.

It's kinda nice seeing American hosts doing there bits from home and talking about isolation and of course right wing governments suddenly bringing about ' evil socialist' just give people cash policies, memes by already socially isolated not quite knowing how to feel about being told to do what we already doing.. It's not like we are in an a highly populated city centre we can't use it as an excuse for not going out for walks. Ancient evil toddler thick as shit king of farts making Johnson look like a qualified and appropriate leader not sure how we feel about that except it's a very subterranean bar.

Have to keep reminding myself about giving ourself time and trying to remember how much worse we always felt before coming here and not to assume that it went on too long and too severely for us to ever get our shit together.  Don't have much to say to ourself to answer the sense that there isn't anything we can do about the loneliness and the lack of purpose regardless of co-vid can't see how we could meet anyone that we could feel comfortable with and even if we could  the trust issues just feels insurmountable.

So we ordered books for when we get back to reading and have been playing a lot of the witcher III we get pissed off rather than trauma triggered with all the rigid misogynistic gender roles and 'whore' talk, not going to be getting any mercy from us you ploughin cunt who tortures and murders prostitute NPCs. It's a fucking fantasy game there really is no excuse for not showing Gerald's snow white scarred butt as well as well as the pubescent boobs and butts of skinny sexualised female characters, maybe some male strumpets, some female merchants, maybe even some non white skinned humanoids, some clearly stated same sex couplings? It wouldn't be that hard to use a bit more diversity in the faces and stories. Maybe we will find a lesbian warrior with an Irish accent on Skillege but I think the cross dressing tailor, the one female captain that told us to piss off and the Elvin female robbers is the best we will get. Junior isn't bothered by that as we are but he would not be comfortable with some of the language in Witcher, but I can enlist his help on battles I can't be bothered with and show him some of the cooler monsters, tell him about some of the stories.

Maybe one day there will be a quality fantasy diverse open world RPG's with more interesting and creative stories. It will be a wonderful day.

He's asked for the Evil Within 2 and got it for him it's not for us though as it's whole premis triggers us in ways rapey Witcher doesn't. He's been playing BOTW again too I really can't be bothered with it.

Sleep anxiety you piss me off and fuck up everything 

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