Are we actually going to manage the sunshine drinking over doing it triggered impulsive mania this year? Definitely managing it better, our baseline depression level is rising and I guess it shouldn't be taken for granted that that would just naturally happen. We can see it becoming more possible for us to start doing more things that will help to keep improving it and that is a nice feeling. We are just a little bit less desperately lost and confused in our dreams too. Getting back to a place where we still find ourselves somewhere without knowing how we get there or where to go next but we starting to retain a better sense of often we have found ourself lost and even some of the lessons from previous times and don't get as sick with anxiety.
Lot of dreaming about the cats. We miss them. We are lonely. We feel bad for giving them away and bad for the times we couldn't care for them right. They were also sometimes a real comfort to us at times when we felt inconsolable and no one else was there.
June. Okay. Really think it helps us when April and May stay quite cold. The curveball mini spring heat waves can really mess with us both at the time and when it inevitably gets misrable again. Think we prefer to gently ease out of winter rather than be yanked out of it then thrown back in it. So thank you weather for helping out this year its appreciated.
Ordered clothes when not sleeping last night. Because we need clothes and we have a vague idea of what size we are and what we are comfortable in and still have money left for food. What a fucking grown up. Not really grown up enough to cope with returning clothes bought online though so hope we haven't fucking jinxed it.
It never really lets up that sense of being excluded from normal human comforts and needs. Its exhausting to feel that way and to constantly challenge it knowing it just keeps coming back. Without Margo its challenging and repairing it isn't as complete a waste of time as it was as it won't all get lost again.
