Wednesday was good!

 Thursday rotten though. Dreams, knee, mood, shivers, cist, thought I was coming down with something by the end of the day just aching all over but this morning wasnt so bad.

Last night/this morning though yikes. Mini shocks when falling asleep. The doc said the mirtazine has a less sedative effect on higher doses but they dont know why. Never instils confidence that. If it wasnt our premenstal week we might of had the sense to not raise the dose quite as quickly as we were told to but it is so we didnt. Where the dream ended and physical began we dont know. Some of the heart stuff was very real we are confident of that but all the bed stuff is as it was and there isnt any puke patches so the seizure and the bile was dream warning. We couldn’t speak or move properly but could when we woke up enough. He had mentioned seritonin syndrome and warned about it when we said we had taken the sertaline as well one day when we were just so low.

How the fuck can we be in danger of serotonin syndrome we have fuck all serotonin.. Didnt really read up on it until this morning though. Opiates a factor to did he mention that? Everything accept coma and death we had awake or in the dream. We kept trying to stick our fingers down our throat to get rid pills already digested with hands that wouldn’t do as they were told. 

We wanted some advice on taking care of ourselves throughout the long weekend but just got told to stop panicking and take the 15mg from a nurse with the bedside manner of a prison guard who just found her husband in bed with her bestest and oldest friend. And then ran over her cat. In the dream the medics Pablo called for us where the same.

Currently we dont want to sleep or take antidepressants ever again.

Might bite one in half tomorrow. Havent been on it that long cant be that physically hooked. 

Always the fucking same when we have prolonged weedlessness - self harm through NHS. Body has been through too much for us to keep doing that to ourself.

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