September 02, 2012

tenner a gram

Can't put a price on feeling positive and inspired.


No one has contacted social services about my sister yet.  Well not as far as I know anyway.  After her last binge mum agreed again to give her one last chance, as long as she went to her sessions, took some drug that might help cravings and stayed sober.  Mother also offered to pay for Alkysis's to have private therapy.  This had me spitting a few feathers at the time.  Alkysis has never shown much interest in therapy whenever she has been offered it in the past.  Legend has it that she went to one AA meeting and turned up gutter and was asked to leave.  She made out she was still going for weeks taking my mums and money and hitting the pub, or the bus shelter toilet with a bottle of rum or whatever it is she does.   Whereas I have a sense of 'therapy' being one of my first conscious words along with 'no', 'lawyer' and 'sore'.  'Police' came a bit later.  She has never offered to pay for my therapy and I would of asked, at least once or twice, maybe more and worked with NHS on and off since I was 13 to this day.  Its been a few days since I have talked to either of them and have had excellent drama and talking sessions since then and don't really give a fuck about it anymore.

I'm gonna write some note for the shinny nu shrink that lives a half hour bus journey away in nicer part of town.  Shes discussed her supervision, studying ritual abuse, networking with people who work and study in that field and so far has answered most of my questions before I needed to ask them.  I hate calling it a all 'field' its just to accurate to be academic and by that I mean it triggers like fuck.  I have been feeling really awful a lot for a while now.  I have noticed before that when that happens I am likely to idolise anyone who starts to have any kind of a positive effect on my life.  I have a real chance at a long term therapeutic relationships here though and that is fucking ace.

Might write soon. Dx