April 29, 2012

April is the cruelest month..

When I mentioned to Nushrink that my sleep was being disturbed by vivid oppressive dreams and nightmares every night he asked if there was anything significant about the time of year.  I said something about it being spring and how I often have sleep problems at this time of year but couldn't say much more.  I think he wants me to go further with him, give more details but he will have to be patient.  He also wants me to be very careful what memory work I do on my own but I never get never far and never try very hard.

I looked up the calender part in Epstein, Schwarthz and Schwartz's Ritual Abuse and Mind Control the 19th of April marks the 'the first day of the thirteen-day Satanic ritual relating to fire ... This day is a major human sacrifice day, demanding fire sacrifice with an emphasis on children' (p.26 - 27).  I see charred skin and remember the off hand way in which a young man threw a newborn into a bonfire after an older girl in the Glen had given birth, just picking it up by a leg and swinging it in with an indifferent chuckle, in mid conversation with one of his mates. 

Part of me wants to see more to see everything part of me knows I can't handle it and probably never will.  I see a bonfire by the river in another part of the Glen near the pond.  There was lots of people there some of the kids there are now high profile.  I can't see anything else but there is maybe a sense of excitment, a pride at being dressed up.

I rock and mumble a song to a blackened charred infant, older now, maybe.

The weeks before May day never any fun; 'the Greatest Sabbat' where 'Seminal fluid is mixed with dirt and insects and inserted into the vagina of a virgin (p.27).  A virgin? Where do you get one of them from?  I think I was chosen for that at least once.  There was lots of rape from a specific man before or after to ensure I conceived to convince a 'religous' Satanist group who would then look favourably on a recreation group for possessing a girl that could conceive through such rituals.  Sometimes married woman would get pregnant at a similar time to girls used for breeding.  The child they had would be killed and the breeders child would be brought up by the higher ranking couple to be trained in abusing the biological mother, to be a tool against her.  Boys were best for this so they could rape her when old enough and impregnate her.  They do love their products of incest.

I used to be obsessed with DNA tests, its a shame I wasn't sure I could ever trust the lab or whoever delivered the results, can't remember any of the results anyway.