January 15, 2014

Cheapness of Life

'Cheapness of life' is the theme for tomorrows therapy session.  We didn't feel quite so isolated and undermined  last session when she tried to suggest a murder we had described wasn't real.  We have sall gone through periods of not believing it was ever real, some of us still do.  We are not as worried as we have been about how difficult it will be for her to put down the books and the reading enough to see me and all that we are.  We sent her the Exaro link and are getting the impression from the emails between us since that its maybe is starting to dawn.  Hopefully. There are plenty that aren't going to even think about waking up or reaching out if their experiences growing up in a culture where death and violent death is mundane isn't established as a shared truth.

The floor in her office was inviting for the first time last week.  There was a wee toy down there.  The floor though. I can see it really easily, take boots/shoes of and get down there crossed legged.  She would have to get down there too.  The fears around it are about not being able to get up again for a long time, to not be fit to get home afterwards or look after Junior.  How realistic are these fears?  Probably not never but that's because of we will power through fucking anything in full on survival mode without being able to see the help that might be available.  That's not healthy place to be if your life isn't in danger.  Once we've figured out some kind of care or reward for afterwards then its a step the older and the anxious types will be able to take.  Some want to do it tomorrow because of we are going to be talking about cheapness of life but even older less anxious types are a bit wary of this.  Partly because it will unleash to much for right now and also because there are possibly parts that are desperate to distract from themselves when casual attitudes to life and death are being considered.

Not many are holding that against them, we are almost all masters in distraction and subtle manipulation.  Pulled into a toilet she says in a building where TV programs are made. Yep.  Some of us were taken to places like that loads of times just to be pulled into the toilets sometimes there would be other men there waiting and we kept asking other people for help but they pushed us away or gave us into trouble... Finished Nurse Jackie again.  Noticed the Hobbit was on Netflix was watching the Eddie Izzard as an American traveler thing but it looks like its gonna get too grim so that's ditched. Plenty to keep me away from news and twitter where it will all be being repeated over and over and discussed.  This is just the first round of high profile court cases for sexual abuse.  Next time though the organised nature of it all will be being taking into account.  That's what we are telling ourselves.  Every time shit gets out there someone else thinks fuck right enough, or it clicks that it wasn't their fault.  80's, 90's kids we will have our day even if we have no idea what that will entail at the moment.  Bastards.

Cheapness of life, cheapness of life experience, of labour, of the truth, its everywhere and we know she's too intelligent to not to have noticed.