..dear reader..

I want to go home. But where Quine? Where? And to ourselves, how and who? I want to go home. Do as you would be done by she lived by that believing the adults believing other kids didn't mean it believing nothing could be this bad and the torture made her believe nothing was or ever would be.  She is a satellite forever resending the same what now signal to a server that has long since been broken up, sold in parts, or scraped.  Her engineers moved on decades ago. Her programmers as indifferent as ever. No confirmation that the message is received and no reply. I want my notes back. But no one will ever have that. The notes are our history to have them back means we have an identity to have an identity means we are not waiting for our friends, our allies our soldiers our money our family our bairns our lovers ourselves and need no acceptance no recognition from anyone else. We need to bury our dead.  We will be frozen forever with them if we can't. But that need just make...

Its going really well with Exaro!! I didn't want to attempt to write up stuff when I didn't even know who we were talking to and didn't know how much they already knew from blog or whatever so we sent this first.. Dear Exaro, Thank you for asking us to get in touch over twitter.  As I don't know what if anything you have already read I will assume you know nothing and tell you first of all that I am currently seeing a private psychologist who is treating me for Dissociative Identity Disorder and PTSD as a result of severe repeated traumas which began in childhood and continued into adulthood.  The NHS have never offered DID as a formal diagnosis but described disclosed incidents of serious and organised abuse involving Savile plus others many of whom are in positions of trust and respect as the result of Persistent Delusional Disorder.  I was prescribed anti psychotics three years ago and took them, they did not make any of these 'delusions' go away.  Sim...

So we got them a 4s.. All pretty charmed by it so far.  Lots of therapeutic, creative, intellectual uses... Generally smiles around. Poetry, note making, doodling, reading, little soothing facilities all in one place. Not too scared of it either.. Finally allowed tech privileges. Blimey.. Flowers have become more of a thing. What with more baby mothers coming forward.  They can have the flowers without the hospitals.

When the initial "fuck that's us, we were totally awake and totally knew what we were doing so must of know what we were doing at other times to" passes there is always a lull, a dip into feeling pointless, desperate and of remembering trauma. Endless trauma. Complex and organised. Straightforward and random.  Vicious and organised, casual and thoughtless.  Endless trauma. We figured that our only real allies might be found in the ranks of those that said they put all effort they could into making things worse forcing someone else would be forced to stop it all.  Knew lots of our worst enemies would be there to.  But that was back in the eighties.  When I could be easily stowed away and didn't ovulate.  When all the cameras and playback still had the power to fool some of us into thinking we were being heard. First we had to learn how to not just completely loose it when we saw that walking dead look in peoples eyes then we started to realise that the wa...

Yeah so the unmarked uniforms and vehicles. Russia.  The East.  Braveheart and Word Up out.  Avcii or whatever of course.  Tracks have been paid for, not the Word one yet but its quite likely as when it comes on the radio there are a lot of happy bairns.  The teens need to be more than heard though they need to know are known, hence 'Braveheart'. If we don't know by now we never will. Which is some trick for us to write by the way.  If the teens don't get out of bed and give us more and help with all housework and such we will struggle to live healthier.  What triggers the abuser have laced it with isn't the point.  That shit is everywhere all the time everywhere, Yew Tree and the Coronation Street trials for fucks sake. take me in I'll take you higher...memories wide open,, songbird keeps calling.. Braveheart init.  They smile and roll their eyes instead of slamming doors and its much better. We go back to 2000/2001 easy with that track. ...