August 17, 2014

Things we are mostly not going to say to mum..

The bridges are burned mum, they are nuked and the land on either side too there is nothing to build on.  I will not be there. I will not take part in the line of family members who put her in that box and shake hands with her friends and her son's friends who all have gave her a wee shove along the way. The support there for me will be you, maybe gran and an aunt or two I haven't seen since the last funeral anyway and me and my DID are gonna need more than that. If middle sis sees me getting any support anyway she is likely to make a bee line to piss all over it any way.  There will be far too many sexual abusers, bullies and enablers there I will not feel safe and will be terrified for wee man what with his abuser probs being there. 

I will not be there because it's expected. People also expect children to not be fucked by family members and forced to drink and hurt each other.

I know we have talked about this before but I think you are going to have to come to terms with me not being part of the rest of the family. At the moment I feel like  I need a year before I can be in the same room as any of the Aberdeen lot. I understand you can't handle it when psycho starts getting abusive towards me but comforting her and listening to her and her hate while I am left alone has only ever made things worse. People also expect to be able to discuss finding a sibling dead with another sibling, less than a week after the event without being  dismissed with sarcasm and indifference. We all cope with loss in our own ways and it is out of respect for your oldest that I say that psycho is not my sister and that man is not my dad. I can not stand to should respect for someone who is dead with a bunch of people who had no or little respect for her when she was alive.

Maybe we can do our own thing once the rest have fucked off again.