August 19, 2014

We will see

I want to be there I just don't want be there alone and I can ditch the wake. Would like to be there through whole thing with a heap of support but hey.

 We made a joke with our therapist once not long after we started seeing her and were still figuring out boundaries. I asked her if it was possible to rent her for funerals and weddings then wondered off briefly thinking about what a good therapeutic service/business opportunity that could be.  She seemed equally amused. 

Next time we see her is the day after the funeral. It's been awhile. Need to see my mommy!

Oh god I'm back in a place where Psychosis seems so obviously the current main abuser in the immediate family. We're remembering instances of seeing her talk to Laura in such horrific ways and at times and places I wasn't prepared for, causing nasty dissociations in us. When we were little and in recent years too.  In front of other people though it's always been me that's the point of her hate. With the odd bit if sisterlyness thrown in that just unnerved us anyway. Emotionally blackmailing everyone else to go along with it. Bringing in abusers and punishing those who talked.

Dead nice and friendly to lots of people to though and great with kids sometimes.

..Christ I wish we were a family that had enough money for a burial plot. So I could push the sociopath in after Laura.
Screaming something appropriate..

Genuine sympathy for mother. And maybe a bit if irony that the only daughter she has ever been able to say goodbye to is the only daughter that will be there for her.

Mwah ha ha