October 04, 2014

Newness and oldness

It would be much easier to type this on an actual keyboard with a monitor instead of this wee screen but would have to negotiate several boxes to get over there and much comfier here in bed anyway with the pain.  It hasn't been too bad, the odd day here and there rather than proper chronic.  At the new docs the other day and he kept saying 'anything else' we couldn't think of anything.. Until 10 meters out of the surgery and there it was, aya fucker.. 

So much to do. Which we are actually likely that, the kind of work that is rewarding because we will be living with and enjoying the results everyday.  A lot of Laura's we can't throw out yet but don't really have space for and none of rest of family are remotely interested. Her oldest said he would come down for her ashes but hasn't, hasnt helped our here as promised either. 

Psychosis was down last weekend, she visited mother in hospital and then asked me if I had money cause she fancied a Chinese but couldn't pay for it.. We raised our eyebrows and dad paid which he puked up later on mums carpet and throw, numpty. Our neice told us when we asked how she had slept.. She offered to take all the kids so I would get a night off we turned her down knowing her and dad would be getting pissed, there wasn't enough space for them, they would be up all night and it was us that was going to have to deal with them all on Sunday & Monday morning.

'dad' did help my pal with the heavy lifting which was essential because of our festering thigh followed by antibiotics making us very sick. 

 So good to see discloser niece espicially since she had so much love in eyes for us unlike the last few times we saw her when we were getting the 'you left me' vibe. 

Really wish we had to oppurtunify to sort out and say goodbye to the flat properly instead of having to abandon heaps of stuff cause there was no time, not enough help and no room in the car. Glad to be out of that street, away from the nightmare neighbour and the friend who let me have 5 to 10 minutes to talk about Laura before going back to talking about herself and a heap of people we don't know.. The constant reminders everytime she did anything for us and the apparent amnesia about anything we did for her. Hope her oldest will be all right but so glad we won't be triggered by her lack of patience for her anymore.

To begin with the dreams we were getting here seemed quite positive, recurring settings and situations but with a strong sense that things had moved on.  Prolonged lack of weed is making them worse though, disturbing and unsettling we are back to sleeping with the light on.  Being alone in the dark with those feelings when we wake up several times a night is horrible espicially when we are too tired to do anything else but go straight back to sleep. At least with light on we can see where we are. 

Next week! Hopefully, we beg of thee Scotish weed networks!! Thankfully we also have therapy this coming week to. Particularly since our draft Jersey inquiry statement is here and unopened nevermind read and added to *nausous face* ..




1 comment:

  1. I love your writing so much. So pleased you're back, Big hugs.

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