..dear reader..

Dreams were pretty awful but seconds after we woke the Asda guy was at the door with more booze and munchies and its been snowing Daddy.. So know we have spliff, boozy tea and a beautiful view we didn't have yesterday without having to go any where. Yesterday we started writing about how we've been remembering you last year, how you couldn't believe both me and my sister were still alive, how we feel so scared and overwhelmed whenever you say you want to look after us because we are scared that will never happen. But it was on this tablet because Laura's old computer charge cable has been tripped over so many times its not charging any more and we hadn't saved when the battery went without warning and we lost the whole thing. Hope you can remember anything you need from it from when we told you that would happened.. It kinda bugged we liked the post. The early benefits went in early and its been pretty good. Thinking about you and sis. Mostly you it...

We're doing well.. Although we did forget again that Pabs  doesn't like gammon.. And its Friday the benefits go in of course not today or tomorrow which is a bummer cause wee have one nip of brandy left and not much milk and of course no crappy hash to help us manage the loneliness. Need to try and get a decent lump on Friday, another New Year with no one to hug but one ten year old who we were forced to carry and keep after making it impossible for me to keep every other child the forced us to have so the fascists and the capitalists can use him to manipulate us is kinda crappy. Got on to him about his attitude a few times today. We found the first "actually mummy" kinda cute but that was years and years ago and the older he gets the more the way he speaks to me upsets and angers us. Getting him to do a little but here and there to help us but getting a kid whose routine involves bugger all chores to start doing some is work as well. We can feel ourself searching f...

Music keeps our mood up. Music and brandy. It wasn't too bad. Still wished we could stay in bed and smoke and people can in and hug us and keep kitchen clean for us. We always struggle with tiredness and overwhelmedness on xmas morning, well all mornings. It's a shame for the dude but he's older and more used to it. He was very excited to bring me the present he bought for us with cash we gave him. Bath bomb and a Rainbow Dash that can be coloured in. But best of all is a unicorn that lights up when you press it's hoof.. Steak, turkey crown, pastry clouds (used the cookie cutter. the cookies were a disaster..) roast yams, corn on the cob for the lad, creamed tatties, gravy of course. It was pretty fabulous. Did well with feasting. There's a good bit of meat to cook in freezer. We have the kitchen all nice its cool to cook in it and have sit down meals with the lad with candles and everything. It is better just us and its been the less stressful one with the la...

Merry Winterfest Every pretty thing is a huge battle lost of course to. To be here buying this shit instead of weed of going places or being somewhere else where being ourself doesn't cause the issues it always has here. That's a few years now of treating winter blues with Amazon "shabby chic" "natural" "Nordic".. It's easy the appreciate without the threats or the work to avoid the threats that result from our self expression. Cradle to the grave. You will always be a slave." We love it though. Don't we? Will we make it through this year without some comment about not thinking we would be into it and wonder and be grateful for the splits in our soul that stop me from knowing if thats because we seem educated, cynical, or is some antis semitic shit. When you have spent December losing battles against genocide it seem life affirming to make the absolute most out of ones spent in doors, with goreless walls, our ghost of ...

It's hard to forget how far we have come. Sitting here, awakeish, in our own flesh listening to whatever we fancy on a half decent speaker, with a Anderson, Johnston and slave industry free Christmas at worst.. As far as we are aware the final veto to us leaving Earth from elsewhere has been lifted. Goddam impossible trying to get hippy unslaved life forms to understand how awful things are here and its a nightmare trying to get the truth to someone when they are in the same room but getting it real life which always far far away.. We've been dreaming about death cults and bits being cut out of peoples brains, thats an awful lot of truth for our dreams. Remembering snippets of Pabs pregnancy to.. Fifers turned up to the house near Newburgh cause work that slavers expect wasn't getting done. Think the first thing one of them said was "What the fuck are you wearing?" But we were naked, all our clothes had been taken, the water turned off. We survived by killing o...

Feeling, thinking that there only is one solution here and that is to give the fascists bots what they want and bye bye Earth. Increasingly praying for it to. Any teeny tiny hope left was lost when Anton took flat line programming to turn up here for this Christmas as a son from the rings and attempt to fuck us. The new littles that were made by flat linning us could take no more heart break and the rest of us agree. There is no love and if there is no love there is no humanity and if there is no humanity the slavery and the genocide and the femicide across all nation states will never end. Everyday there biodiversity of all kinds is lost here while it increases and is enriched elsewhere. Everyday the human gene pool and human potential is disseminated and destroyed and there is nothing left to fight it. We can not and will not fight for creatures that refuse to even recognise reality and our existance and the endless exhausting efforts to survive and improve conditions down here. W...

Seeing the cash in the bank made me feel the same as we do when we can hear his voice over the xbox when he's playing with Pabs. We bought a bottle of naf du paf, drank half of it and watched a movie with the lad then told him he couldn't be friends with Niall anymore. He cried but said rehearsed sounding lines about supporting me in anyway he could. We played a board game then we drank then rest of the wine and danced in our bedroom alone to Abba, remembering. As with so many things it would be preferable to have had support with this in the here and now but this planet refuses to work like that so we got what we could for it when we could. No physical attacks have happened over yet and we are past the worst of the fear. Winterfest minus another slaver bot, couldn't bare the thought of another and him seeing us in our heart and star of David. Not so terrified of sleeping at night anymore but our habits are quite noctural now anyway and we did what we had to do. Send a t...