December 04, 2017

Still no hugs..Still no contact..

Seeing the cash in the bank made me feel the same as we do when we can hear his voice over the xbox when he's playing with Pabs. We bought a bottle of naf du paf, drank half of it and watched a movie with the lad then told him he couldn't be friends with Niall anymore. He cried but said rehearsed sounding lines about supporting me in anyway he could. We played a board game then we drank then rest of the wine and danced in our bedroom alone to Abba, remembering.

As with so many things it would be preferable to have had support with this in the here and now but this planet refuses to work like that so we got what we could for it when we could. No physical attacks have happened over yet and we are past the worst of the fear. Winterfest minus another slaver bot, couldn't bare the thought of another and him seeing us in our heart and star of David. Not so terrified of sleeping at night anymore but our habits are quite noctural now anyway and we did what we had to do. Send a text to an horrific abuser saying thanks but no thanks your no good for our mental health and blocked him on the xbox.

Half hope and half sure that if and when him and/or his horror story family make plans to head in this direction with unspeakable intentions for me and Pabs they will be stopped. Same goes for all the rape bots across the rest of the planet.

"Amanda Campbell" left us a voice mail message, we listened to the start of it but a few sentences in there was no sorry and she started talking about "that night" and that was enough for us. We sent a text saying we were glad she was doing better but we were not and will text her when we are feeling better. A bit later we saw her when we were walking back from the shop,

"Not speaking?" it says in that sarky voice, we stopped and turned back a bit and acted like we hadn't seen her and answered,

"Oh hiya. How's you."

"Oh fine. Walking along smoking a spliff."

Our feat had us turned and heading home, the gloating sickens us not just cause she's gloating about the weed, we know how they programmed her she's gloating about having weed and because they got her to slaughter one of our baby girls because we rescued hers and got her someone safe. Baby girls had/have no chance here.

As discussed way back in Partick in 2004 with one of her "suppliers" we told him we would send a text saying Amanda triggers us (like she kept saying on the night of the last cut) we were pretty much done trying to buy weed from Scots but if he wanted to pretend he was human there is 60 sitting here. He texted back, "at work don't finish til 3" and that's it. He was under the impression because he had been told buy some fascist undead slaver scum that we are desperate enough to keep trying. We are desperate but not that desperate especially since as far as we remember so far he gave us that last scar.

We tried Rab another one of the tools she gave us the number for, he said he would get for us after work then never texted and never showed. We tried Danny to, whose bairn our operations protected during all the hospital carnage but he wasn't interested either.

We worked damn hard to get drugs out of the hands of the fasc but we got as far as we did with the antisemitic anti human medical profession, absolutely fucking no where.

Having Anderson based programming and terror fade is pretty sweet though but my god it will be sweeter when we have folks we care and respect us and our work and weed..

And fabulous and amazing as our fairy princess castle if it exists is it's just another carrot to keep our head down and stop us from figuring out how to get the fuck out of here pre or post the 21st. It's just a thing and we don't want things we need family.