February 04, 2018

Getting back into a place where pain even when its not that bad is driving us mental. The boredom is also getting to us. But worst of all is being in an adult body with adult responsibilities when i feel so little and no one is helping us or even talking to us so we can feel stronger and not keep in contact with all our tortured, terrified, bitter or numb parts. Not that we thought they would. They tortured us into total dissociation and then conditioned us with Western norms and we were extremely amnesiac and didnt know the norms are fake, pretend all for show and will never be applied to us or ours. She is the one that had faith or hope in Earth authorities, she is the one that is shocked whenever something horrible is done or said to us.

She has come a long way since being told by others she was too powerful and too important to be completely amnesiac and then left to be split again. She is so angry so petrified and we struggle to reach her especially as we have nothing to say that would comfort her, she needs truth, she needs to be respected and cared for by someone else to believe there is any kind of respect or care for anything or anyone.

She is supposed to upfront all the time by herself unless instructed otherwise but that never worked really, wot they were really trying to do is force us to keep ourselves amnesiac but our very early education meant it didnt work the way they expected it to. The way it usually appears to with all their other victims. She wishes some of the norms were real or applied to her where the rest of us know and have experienced too much for dreams like that. She wants to go to uni and be a student but the rest of us know the unis are rotten and would only take from her and give nothing back. She thinks friendly Americans will be in touch sooner or latter, the rest of us know there is no friendly Americans, its just one big UK where any genuine resistance or healing is destroyed in infancy.

Stupid hopeless heartless soulless planet. Wish we could give it back to real life and nature. That would make us feel better than seeing it all destroyed but total destruction beats letting things continue as they are, total destruction would be more respectful of life than allowing the rape, theft and  slavery to continue.

Daddy, its time for me to leave here. Its time for me to live.