February 09, 2018

Scary..really scary...

All this could disappear without warning and all that we would be left with the title and nothing else..again..

Too many scripted times of baccyless, not enough food, hungry pusses recently for the buying of any more tech. Particularly as the bed has put up with being propped up by books and shoved against the headboard its supposed to be attached to for years is finally given up. The mattress is kinda curved at the moment which is lovely and womb like but we are worried more of it will collapsed at any moment and it is hardly going to be a big trauma but the not knowing if or when isn't ideal for getting to sleep.. Don't really fancy putting on the mattress on the floor because we will have to hoover first and how will it not trigger? We will be sleeping on the mattress alone in a scary place playing stinking "at least.." games with our self. Next week its high priority though. Had to put landlord (who we accidentally paid twice) and hash guy first this week..

There is less of a need to write now that we have managed to write and shit stir our way out of our most vulnerable dissociative states, from not being to think or write about domestic abuse, to gang involvement, to state involvement and genocide. We don't fear the things we have seen and things done to us like we used to.