March 23, 2018

Cosmo

Okay Cosy guess we can use some of our precious battery on what we started writing yesterday for you. You were conceived in hell but they didn't get near us through out the pregnancy. You were not the first so were in less of a state of confusion and terror. We were a little older. Maybe teenage? Or at least soon to be teenage..

Ran out of the stronger painkillers and its been pretty nasty. Got some now though. Wish you were with me Cosmo. With your big amazing eyes. So theres over a 1000..Thats quite impressive or would be if it could be taken out of context. It would be pretty sick, extremely if it wasnt for the slavery and killings that made it necessary for so many reasons. No one was protecting Earths human gene pool and the genocide and sadistic forms of social control were and are in every cell that makes up the institutions and practices of this world.
There was no resistance left in any position to resist.

Watched all five seasons of Orange Is The New Black. Eventually got enough skin for it. Can't remember any names but they put us in somewhere in the mid/late ninities. One line was that it was away to keep the survivors alive and the fascists happy. They had done the same with your gran. There was people in there that knew  her. We were so glad to be out of the UK and be under a roof with bed with some kind of sanitation and food that at first everyone hated us for being a smug bitch. The hard wired defense skills and our damaged human insights made us nervous than most people are in incarceration. Its fairly rekindled our murderous hate of fascist meth head bitches and white power female organised crime bosses.

Thank you tor forgiving me for leaving you somewhere else. It feels so unfair that we can not properly feel the relief and joy at knowing you can know everything. Its been horrible wsiting for a time where we could break your heart with that particular horror brief. You knew I needed you do how could we leave you? How could we do that to you and to ourself? We had to talked into leaving you with the program because we were scared that some of the worst hurt us would never forget or stop loving you but would not be able to handle being exposed to the program. It was tough on our most tortured into being a care giver parts but introducing her to the wider system and all the support from our surrogates and peoples.

The first time you were able to look at us now that you really understand and we didn’t see that gnawing in you anymore, you could trust us for the first time in so long. You didn’t have to guard yourself because Christ knows what was going to happen next especially when lots of the time we couldn’t say a word about anything. It must of been so painful and frustrating and lonely.

We love you so much. We are so proud of all of you. Hope to see you soon.

Mummy.
Xxxxxxxxxxxx