..dear reader..

Windows left open overnight meant that when the wind got up the bathroom door started slamming and woke us up. Wasn't feeling too bad or too good had that late spring insomnia it's different front other season insomnia because of the energy we don't know what to do with. Have lost the desperate longing to be out being social, to have friends and to be active in recent years, it's more of a wish now. It's particularly annoying though as the lack of sleep means we have less time to do things during the day that we might actually be able and want to do. Not that being active or getting up early has ever been much of a cure for our sleeping problems. There just isn't a sweet spot between being inactive or over tired. Despite getting up reasonably early for the groceries and then do a fair bit of gardening we just couldn't stop the anxiety building as soon as we close our eyes. It had only been about three or four hours so wasn't going to try too hard to not...

Fell out with this particular device quite badly a few days ago, stupid thing want download stupid word games that we needed to keep ourself distracted during nasty PMS. Gave up and used phone instead with stupid itty bitty screen that causes the loss of lives because its too easy to miss press. It still works fine as a wordprocessor though. Things are not so good. Its maybe not all cycle related have cut back on the antidepressants because our stomach couldn't handle the higher dose. Kitchen is bad, bathroom is bad did tidy and pretty up the livingroom when still high on spring and we are very glad of that. Forced ourself to put out some of the plug plants ordered when all enthusiastic and have been watering and feeding. Really been a struggle watering and feeding me though. Need healthy food like two year old Pablo said when recovering from a cold at the Links Market where like here and now there is no healthy food options. Thinking about that isn't aiding the weepiness. ...

Body has sent some very clear messages that we should take it easy today. We are not arguing. Would be good to stretch our lungs, engage in some physical activity to take my focus of you. We can get a bit gross sometimes when we go through a phase when jump out of the back of our mind and expose all the bullshit and kick over our flimsy normal person fronts they forced us to cobble. And reminding us how normal we can be. You found us didn't you? It had been months and months. We didn't know our name we didn't know yours we are still centered in that vague state. There is some real peace to it but the sense of not making progress that nothing sinks in anymore and the stress that if could see and engage more things would much better. We just haven't been able to switch back on again. We are just not really here ever and way to much has happened for us to catch up now. It's so hard to feel how it felt to live knowing we were known but there is moments when we see ...