No Comment September

 It’s late but it’s been messing with us for days. Uterine punches that scream ‘here I am’ then nothing. Think we are in less pain all the time because we have been walking more and of course if we can walk more we hurt less.. Generally avoid peak times over the weekends and reminded ourselves of why that is today. Is it us are there solid external reasons why find it is even harder to convince ourselves that people are just people on the weekends. Triggered and paranoid or triggered into not bullshitting? Dunno. Dont like it at all either way. Chatting at any time is excruciating and its leaves a lot of mental mess afterwards. We keep trying to imagine how that could be easier and maybe one day we could even form a friendship but never come up with anything.

My God the mirtazapine though. Doc didn’t argue about ending it.  We currently not on any antidepressants. Early days so we are shouting about. Weird shit that feels physical and outside of normal weird shit that happens when falling asleep has hung on though but a lot milder. 

Mentally we have been coming to terms with not being in Italy or currently engaged in any regular contact with Italians, eyeballing that and accepting how painful that is one thing but acknowledging that it’s probably for the best is something else. 

Emotionally we have very low tolerance to listen to MSNBC hosts discuss the brutal and predictable annihilation of female health rights. & Girls Maddow & fucking girls. Services mostly used by woman who are already parents sure but still ‘and female children’.  

Hitting the skip forward button every time Biden opening his big tool gob is played back isnt the same as it was for big farty. Feels more lonely, more hopeless. More ‘oh fuck you U.S of course we always knew’ much less ‘Murica! FFS. But hey you never know!’. 

In an attempt to end on a more positive note we are not cutting calories but are getting better at making sure the calories we do consume are less empty. Contented fatty is way better than a bingeing on junk and stressing about why we still feel hungry one. 

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