August 11, 2010

packin

Rucksack full, files burned, supernoodles and new milk cup bought, blue folder not exactly organised but empty of waste paper, support numbers found, notebooks packed.

I hope there isn't a change of heart or circumstances and the lift falls through. I will find that pretty tricky, haven't said anything to dad as he isn't easy to talk to at the best of times, the plan is to say I'm just going for a few days. Avoided any big goodbyes with the rest of family at C's party it's her day. She's got enough to deal with leavin the girls isn't easy, I talked about everyone else moving down to. No one had any issues except practicalities of finding a home. Isn't not the right place for folks like us, it makes you feel abnormal, a human stain instead a human being who hasn't been particularly lucky.

Watched some of Depp's Alice again, I still think its brill, properly atmospheric, true to the darkness of the books, and the scottish mad hater fairly works for me!

It's all going to be okay, sure I'm very nervous but mostly I'm mostly scared of going through all this emotionally for it to come to nothing, I hate it when that happens. When in my head, my flesh, every bit in me is moving forward but circumstances remain out my control. Running till I faint but travelling no distance. It's very spitting, big chunks of me has gone and are waiting for the rest of me to catch up. The distance and obstacles just get further and bigger until thers mountains separating me from me.