May 09, 2012

What do you do with a drunken sister?

She's wasn't guttered this morning, but she was high, singing, and being a bit vague.  It's driving my mum mental, coming home from seeing her dad dieing in hospital to a drunken daughter and a messy house.  The wee ones free to roam about.  Mum kept making little digs, about money, about broken specs.  She doesn't know what to do, me neither.  When mum was at the hospital I didn't try and talk any sense into Alkysis or anything, just listened.  It's pointless, she was talking about not moving with my mum, how she was going to sort the landlord out.  How she loved looking after my son with her own two.  She hadn't told my mum about not moving with her of course.  She seems very deeply in denial about everything, I don't think giving her my abuse books will help.  I can't see her managing well on her own, in fact it scares the shit out of me.  We've been there before, traumatised kids, Psychosis phoned her once and wee spider monkey answered, said she couldn't wake her mum up. 

If she had asked for help years ago, maybe she would get better support from us but everyone is so tired of it now.  She was getting a bit more honest about it for a while, but not trying to get help.  She seems so far away, nothing she says makes much sense.  I think mum is starting to hate her a bit for it, the way she takes her for granted.  I wonder if helping my mum wash and dress my grandad before he went into hospital has triggered something.  If it has its totally unlikely that shes aware and even less likely that she would talk about it.  Its like she's totally cut off from her self, her own feelings, her own life.  She said she wasn't looking forward to spider monkey going to school and the wee lad going to nursery.  If that isn't a sign of total insanity then I don't know what is...

And me?  Well, I've got ma Sonshine, ma telly, and ma baby plants.  The depression does seem to be shifting slighting, sometimes.  G disclosed a bit of her own horror to me and I really felt for her.  Stopped eating quite so much, still spending though.  Should be better when new books arrive.  Ordered a new bra, bought time to, still trying to force myself into bras I was wearing when I was 8-9 stone when I'm 11-12 now.  Daftie.

No Nushrink this week, won't leave him with Alkysis.  No fucking way.  I think it might be time to take a massive gamble and hope for a semi decent social worker.