November 16, 2012

Old Notes

Looking through notes from 2004 trying to find the names of some of the people I talked to when in refuge.  I knew it was unlikely I would find any, I'm far too well trained to remember or write down peoples' names.  Did find one, written at the back followed by 'CPU' will mention it to the police when I speak to them.  There was a mention of a policeman who 'was good with ritual abuse victims' hmmm.

Also found this poem, I guess it should be called 'All in my mind'

There's a dead baby over there
It might be me
I sing to her and she sings back
But it could all be in my head.
There's a big heavy cross on my back
Everyone's shouting things at me,
In a while I will be lifting that cross above my head
I'm in a lot of pain
But it might be all in my mind.
Their placing bets on who will win
The murdered or the rapist
Neither of us wants to be here
But its probably all in my mind.
I know you,
You've comforted me, I've cuddled you
You saw what people do
But its probably all in my head.
My dads in my bed again
He might send my sisters in afterwards
I'm in a lot of pain
But it's probably all in my mind,
There's a dead baby over there.
I woke up on the phone again
I don't know what I'm saying
My brains all fuzzy
There's voices and footsteps outside my door
I never know what happens next.
They're trying to convince me my dads dead again,
I wish.  He'll get up and go to work tomorrow
Like he always does
So it must all be in my head.