November 03, 2012

Hard Evidence

Pretty hard to prove historic sex abuse, pretty hard to prove sexual abuse that happened 20 minutes ago.  Your word against theirs and abusers have a sixth sense for the vulnerable.  They know people don't want to know, don't want to believe, would rather accept things 'the way they are'.

There was plenty witnesses to many things that happened in Partick from November 2004 to March 2005.  Most of them have criminal records and already have complex relationships with the police.  My mate kept calling me a Brit coz he saw me talking to Blair.  This pissed me off considerably as he had also seen me talking to IRA members.  Not that I think blowing up civilians achieves fuck all but I've spent my live trying to escape the clutches of British institutions. 

There was stuff in the press about me around then I think, I could never see it.  Definitely a few occasions where there was heaps of journos outside the bar.  Couple of locals told them I was a prostitute I said I didn't have any comment about that. We were damaged, drunk, drugged by others and by ourselves to try and make it through the night, we all betrayed each other for 5 minutes of not being the victim.  We are multiples, disassociated, been betrayed by everyone we know and programed to act against our own best interests with no idea where we have been or where we come from.  There is no who, when, where, for how long and what with.  Just severe depression punctuated with patches of pure hell.  The same faces that are on the telly talking civility and equality standing a few feet away giving it 'Hail Satan' over some bairn, some prostitute, some criminal, some poof, some mangled pile of blood, shit and bones.  Cant be true.

The police? Well at best they cry for you and your evidence has they bin it.  At worst they will have a go as well and hand you over to their mates.  A cute PC asked my name, I spelled out 'Trouble'.

'Hard evidence' - its such a received phrase, defined by those in power, those with the money and contacts.  Those with the loudest voices, who are rarely asked to prove anything.

First I was told no one would listen, then I was told whoever I talked would be hurt and they would hurt me, then they said there was no evidence, then they said it was out of their control.  I talked to a lot of people, I don't believe they can silence us all.

 Our existence is proof and things are not quite like they used to be.

Think I need to talk about St Andrews but there is no rush.



  1. My hard evidence is that I can't focus on a job, a conversation. That we never mention my fathers name in my family. My hard evidence is that I sit on the sofa, rigid, for hours, unable to move, like today. Do you think it will stand up in court?

  2. Armchair Anarchist17 November 2012 at 23:47


    I saw you mention difficulties with recovered memory. Perhaps it's the kind of thing that's best done on your own slowly, I have no idea.

    I was wondering if you ever seen a specialist in this area? AMMACH, or someone they have interviewed, may have come across a UK specialist.

    Do you follow the super soldiers? They have the same issues. They're mainly US based, but some are on Facebook and some eg. James Rink are very approachable.


  3. thanks I will look them up, being in Scotland can make it even harder to find right help. Your right about having to do it slowly though, my multiples generally dont give a flying fuck about ongoing police investigations or media interest!

  4. Armchair Anarchist18 November 2012 at 14:55

    That's why I think it might be worth speaking to AMMACH - not for media attention, but for their contacts, experience. Joanne and Myles are both on Facebook. They've spoken to a number of UK-based 'super-soldiers', so they may have come across some experts.

    Assuming it's important to you to remember, then the super soldiers (who are multiples) may have some techniques. Seems they've pieced together from talking to each other, some remember others on missions. People like James Rink, Alara Blackwell seem super smart.

    I don't personally know any of these people, so cannot vouch for anyone!