March 08, 2013

torture and flashbacks

Wee man's wee facial injury has been causing me a whole heap of anxiety and some specific flashbacks.  Being held down in my bedroom while someone hit my front teeth with a hammer.  Very calculated blow enough to cause lots of pain and bit of bleeding but not shatter them. It was my family and Savile related but I can't remember exactly who was there. I had no chance of of not being aggravated even if I had tried.  I had an at school alter who knew she could never wonder why she felt so awful or where she was in pain and never to try and do anything about it.  I bit into something at lunch, twix or something and ended up crumpled head head down weeping in agony in front of a packed dinner hall.

There was another time a lot more complex tripping me up, again in my bedroom with my hands tied behind my back so my mouth would hit something carefully placed before me.  Given instructions on how I had to fall, that time was with Scottish Ritual Abuse type people.  Over the days following something like that you had to be careful or run the risk it being aggravated, the healing put back days, and maybe an infection introduced.  Access and quality of pain killers and medical attention would also be manipulated or denied.  I hate pain.

I've got to write a statement for the Speaking Out investigation about Savile at Stoke Mandiville, Broadmore and Leeds General Infirmary.  Okey dokey.