May 04, 2014

Medicated in spring time.. :-)

The scan was better than the last.

Super shrink mentioned I might want to email my mp. No reply so far but they have always replied so far so it seems reasonable that we will at least here from his assistant. Have a feeling it is over with lawyers.. Not definitely Greenwood may get back to me again. I still can't face the thought of approaching Scottish law firms thinking about it triggers to much memories of been taking there by traffickers, being told there is nothing I can do about all the abuse and slavery and showed that the lawyers were abusers to.

Cant say the writing isn't happening though..

Twice now a GP has given us diazepam, same again 14 2mg. I don't want get into necking them constantly but the do provide a break from the anxiety particularly when there is no weed. It's always so good to wake up in the morning and not to feel stress as the first thing you are aware of.  

Taking 2mg was wierd we didn't like it, maybe triggering something nasty we are not ready for but taking 2 of them has been cool. Don't particularly notice it much just don't feel shit, parts less hyper or worried. 

It should be noted that we are also back on the anti Ds and feeling very glad for it. With the pain being the way it's been - fucking mental think we might need the rod removed. Very grateful for last summer of relief but I've been in chronic pain for  over a month and spotting for over a week. 

Not to good for the mental health..

We are ok though thanks a lot to the weed and pills making it possible to get distracted with writing, colouring, drawing and tonight season 4 of nurse Jackie. Tear enducing in its quality and fit to our general tastes.. 

And of course remembering. Accepting and loving the parts that have released and are releasing the trauma, tbh it does feel like it's getting slightly easier. Not in the sense that we are anywhere near the end of it just that we have what we need to not be destroyed by the knowing, by the details..