May 14, 2014

Ooh little pics! .. No there isn't.. :-/

Tuesday next week is that lastest that the implant will be removed. Possibly Friday but it's always a nightmare to get through at 8 for their same day appointments. πŸ

All that stuff about the pain being something that they could control is rising up as you would expect really.  Roach seemed to be involved in a fair bit of what we are being shown at the moment. Stuff from the mid ninties he was the guy that had the training, something deep and vaginal that stopped the pain being chronic.  I don't know how or even he was triggering a DID switch or something that had a physical result that stopped the contractions or irritation.  More from the preschool years to..same pain. And the late nighties  and zeros when all the rapists and traffickers had learned whatever ever it was that starts of these contractions as well as the positions/angles that made it worse. πŸ†

Roache's pain stopping/trigger internal procedure stopped working. πŸŠ

We covered some of this in therapy during a previous pain bout. Every time when it's been chronic there has been an increasing awareness a shifting away from dread and slowly towards acceptance about the pain and the memories and parts that come with so much damage.

Decent, grounded therapist and regular weed are definitely what makes it bareable and the income of course.  There is lot of relief in feeling we are facing things head on.  Excitement and a bit of intrepidation about knowing that at some point soonish we will get a decent sized device that will enable word processing in bed. Won't be very soon. Benefits aren't that good and when it's this bad the weed budget can rocket a tad.. We are up for it. Or up for it enough to make a good start.  We are not spending all that much time writing but it just opens up the context up of whatever we are writing about and other stuff to when we do. Thankfully with varying levels of censorship.  We are confident as long as the smokes are here..πŸ˜‡

Predictably nothing signs on the scan when I phoned the surgery. With every encounter we feel more and more done with the NHS the way it is and the way I am.  Although the doc that we will see is possibly a bit of a last chance job.  How can I have anything to do with them over such intimate and important serious life and death, quality of life determining stuff when there has been no recognition no attempt to protect me or other patients that I can be sure of. πŸ˜Ά

We're thinking maybe the parts that were hurt worst on NHS premises, by staff during scheduled appointments on not need to know there will be less contact with the NHS. Which is complicated what with having a 6 year old son and inhaler controled asthma..πŸ„

We started one of those 'plz give me ur money' web pages a few weeks ago now. Knew we couldn't finished it then and there it wasn't easy but also felt good think about taking our needs so seriously. I think we will probably be able to go back to it soon. 

🐝 xx