December 13, 2016

trust

It was a great relief when N phoned and asked if it was ok to just give us more money. We didnt even have enough left for today's baccy and couldnt of asked for more. I'm still paying for tonnes of data I needed when in hospital and forget to pay the rent difference.  We do need to be a bit careful though because next week is rubbish week and the asda shop is delivered the same day as the early benefits but we will need to leave enough in the bank to make sure there are no food related tradegies finding out whatever asda substitutes there will be is hairy enough. Might need to wait until then to get more weed to. He hasn't given us enough money to drink and smoke and eat like we have been already for the next three weeks but its likely we wont be wanting much for long. He want's to give him presents himself so we have to set some aside for him to give on Boxing day. Think we will go for the lego dimensions stuff and some playmobil. We have failed on the plushy front this year but never mind he will probably still be watching that often totally inappropriate you tube show that uses a plush baby Bowser amongst others next year anyway..

Tomorrow we venture forth to get craft stuff for up the road and Argos is doing three for two on the lego dimensions. We have been having the now traditional approach to Mondays in December but Tuesdays are different we need to shop so he needs to go to school. We didn't go to the nativity again but at least he was there. Stealing the show with his comedy singing we heard from a girl in his class who obviously finds him really annoying and doesnt mind saying so.

We read A Christmas Carol. It is something we do and enjoyed immensely. We've read it aloud in ships and places far far away many times. As always. Just wished it was longer. And are thinking about reading more but we are mostly just focused on rampant materialism and indulgence. You would be proud. We have The Quantum and the Lotus gathering detritus and will get to it soon also still keep thinking about Sophie's World but are too scared its the bastards packed it with triggers and we are not big enough yet to handle it.

Hope your coming back to us soon. And not just because we are so up in our own head and far beyond that the dude needs someone. Anyone..

I know people probably want us talking about specific things and their significance but it's been such a long road it's hard for there to be much left of anything but words especially. It wasn't something we could talk about much they kept such tight reigns on us. To be writing and thinking about it now is so significant to our understanding of our self and our past. More barriers down. But we remember them saying how every day we were alone was a day they had won, a day where they had us and how it got to us and never left. They were very good at the self fulfilling stuff.

Different files in different peoples hands now though. The worst of it all ready dealt with or we wouldn't be saying anything. We know that at some level some part must know that they don't have us any more and it will spread out to other parts other levels in time.






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