..dear reader..

Hi. With all the sorting out, moving around and getting of new shit Laura's painting has ended up on a wall almost by itself and it looks right. The stupid giant dresser is still around making every around it a hassle. We are going to have to get that thing out of here by our self, down that narrow staircase. Then the short distance to the kerb. It might not be impossible to get help in that area and are beginning to accept the possibility that it is impossible without. The new bedside table here and its the same height as the bed and making us feel like a grown up. It's very gorgeous if we can get the giant dresser out we might get something else of the same or similar range. So still a sucker for wicker baskets in small simple wood frames. This has a little drawer.. and a pattern on the basket linning. the kitchen the kitchen. It's really a cool place to be now and the little padded chair is something we should of thought to get ourself long before now and we would t...

So here we are. In bed with a turquoise fluffy hot water bottle and clean cotton bedding. In a room with a wooden table by the window and stripy colourable table cloth for eating at, for doing homework and hopefully soon for Us to colour or paint or write at with a trailing plant in a patterned purple pot hanging in macramé above it. We are in a seaside town in Northern England where people smile and say Hi and no one has spit or at either me or the child yet as far as we have noticed where we read Virginia Woolf and scour Netflix in flesh with it's contracting uterus, drippy urethra, aching locking knees and badly scarred arms, smoking habits despite wheezing lungs making sure we stay grounded in violent realities that our mind keeps mostly hidden whilst she slowly exposes the events she needs recognised the most, the times of enforced immobility that we needed to be escped to be survivable. At long last the phone very rarely rings or peeps and we don't have pretend to that...

The plan for today, shower, attend the big little man's eye appointment, eat food, a little shopping then come home, rest then make a start on the kitchen, change the bedding, maybe do more work in his room but after a two course meal and two glasses of wine after not having much appetite for weeks the 'rest' became hours of sleep with weird but not totally awful dreams. Nothing productive happens on waking so still in my grubby pit. He is sitting in a gamer chair with his feat on the silky pink rug he choose in a little clean island. He actually should of gotten his butt out of the new comfy chair we put together last night and into bed ten minutes ago as ordered but Is feeling pretty crappy. Stupid cold keeps making a come back and its not surprising considering our fucked up sleep and appetite and how hard it is to get outside even with these beautiful Autumnal days we've been having. It's that run down, depression, unhealthy habits cycle after viruses that is s...

Best boost for Hidden City, free energy and a seriously higher chance of finding items, it got Us too excited though and didn't have enough tools so kept losing though. Activated it to force a decent break from gutting the child's midden. Half of it is not like a midden at all now, the area around his desk gets absolutely disgusting. Its a grab big items, use a dust pan and brush then the broom before getting the wonderful new Hoover in about it. There is a carpet join that's falling apart so will get him a new fluffy rug for under his feat to protect the carpet, cause he loves fluffies and will hopefully encourage him and me to not let it get so bad. His chair and coffee table came today but there isn't the space or stamina to build them yet.  Hope to have a bit more done by the time he gets home from school tomorrow. My room is of course just getting worse, as all our energy is going to his room. Had clean bedding for days and am still in a grubby nest because afte...

It was a piece in one of the online new sites about anti Semitism, specifically ''blood libel'' and Jews being blamed for missing and murdered kids. It's not the first time we have heard about it and it brings back smaller brain realisations and anger about peoples being accused of things that they were close or sometimes exactly things done to them. Not that we believe that all anti-Semitic communities have ritual abuse at their heart but it's not that we can feel any surety that this hasn't been the case either as we don't have much experience of communities and societies that haven't had internal, mythologised and central practices of rape, murder and enslavement while assuming rational civility outwardly. Gaslighting as social norm, a major industry and export of the West. We got the abusers history that said they were and are behind all human culture everywhere, social and technological progress and the outward public history which denies the...

There's no way any of that was real. I can remember giving one of that little gang a kicking out side the house in rotty and I think I remember the one I was supposed to have had a thing with standing with them in a show of 'see I hate you for your DNA to because someone who doesn't give a fuck about anyone said it would be materially beneficial to me' but when the streets are full of people intent on doing me and junior more serious harm is not when we get effected by tricks pulled to make us think we have had relationships that we haven't. Clearly or we would be dead or worse long ago. Been think about the afore mentioned again. All the efforts there has been over the years to get us to say where he is and how they can get to him. Thinking if they tortured me enough he would show up, that's an obvious ploy and one we thought of when we sent him away. They don't believe it when we say we don't know, that we can't just summon information on reques...