December 29, 2014

December 2014. Still.

Not long.. apparently..

Hope so coz the house needs cleaned. Would be great to get it done by the new year because January sucks for people in general but for folk who are over their heads in trigger dates there are whole other levels of misery and of course after January comes February.. Hope to spend it nicely medicated and stop feeling guilty about being 'altered' we are never more 'altered' than when our blood is clean of anything, what with the PTSD, the programming, the triggers and the knowing.

Some of us will never believe you are coming back. The rest are frozen. There is just rubble and dust here how are we supposed to build anything with that? We are too busy scrabbling about for day to day survival.. Whilst feeling guilty for having things so good materially. We can afford to buy wine and gas on the 29th, or rather we have cash to buy wine.. Debts are truly insult to injury.. Oh sweet ignorance, wouldn't it be lovely.. If the only thing that would bring you back is orders and traffickers and their associates arranging it means you will never be back. We can't roll like that.

Swear this bed has some sort of portal, before it was spliffs now its a lump of cheese..

Intentions for the New Year, getting back into regular therapy now that we are more settled here and turning it up a notch. Docs cant do much for the pain and nonfunctioning issues so intensive therapy is only hope for it. At very least it might get us to a place where we can at least seriously consider finding private gynaecologist. Or going back to that masseurs who probably has much better understanding of how muscles hold trauma anyway..

The usual day dreams about finding quality reading material, positive feminism.. We don't need to have the workings of misogyny and patriarchy explained to us, we know fine. What we need is writings that make us feel better about our selves, the worlds we live in and the future. Too many of us dont wanna read anyway, too cynical, too tortured. Finding what we need would probably tax out brightest and most confident so our current chances are extremely slim. New Years bring new parts, generally temporarily still doesnt make much sense to heap pressure on them before they are even out.

Guess we need to figure out what we are going to do with Jersey Inquiry. Seemed to have slammed into an emotional brick wall. It's all so much bigger than any individual inquiry, as our dreams recently keep reminding us. Wish they weren't all getting their way though, we are mute and isolated, UK activists are abusers and/or supporting rapists, truthers only care about crap on the internet and not about people, Government disgusting, press riddled, uninformed and controlled to the hilt, etc and we are out of wine and cheese.. Don't remind me about normal mature cheddar in fridge our needs are beyond that.

Gotta be said though, as we have said since sometime in the 90s every Christmas's will always be better than one before and we were right, these years anyway.

..We bought the album, Art Garfunkle with the song on it and played it over and over, trying to sing until we remember who we were singing it to. He turned up, said it was our song, for Rosa even though she wasnt his. He broke a bit when we said that. But we knew the surveillance we were under we had to keep weak parts upfront. But we are so sorry.

..
And people bitch about internet history being gawked at.. get a life.