February 11, 2015


It does get easier and starts to feel a little less ongoing, a bit less unmanageable the more we start to is share it with ourselves and other people.  Intentionally letting something excruciating return instead of pushing it away, knowing that what happened to cause that pain was not momentary or a one off or accidental but is actually hours and those hours connected to weeks and years of deliberately and carefully planned torture, exploitation and damage. Violent abortions and other extreme horriblenessess are not exactly something that is exactly discussed much but we know ritual abuse survivors talk about it. No idea if the nature of the violence used by traffickers is part of any of the ongoing awareness discussions because we avoid all it because of very strong triggers.. the mainstream media the focus on violence is politicised as always anyway. Brown men traffic white men occasionally share and of course the mutilation of girls genitalia needs to never be tolerated but when there is so much horrific violence going on everywhere it just invalidates the survivors and the strength of those already fighting if what they endure is used to normalise violence that's endemic and epidemic across the rest of society.  

There really isn't any room for doubt of any kind in us that it happened and happened a lot. Not just because our body is screaming it at us 24/7 either, our brain is changing. We are going back over old connections and making new ones.

We have been allowing it to be present with us, resisting it gently when physical pain gets to much or we start to feel like we are about to go back there fully. Mostly staying in bed and going very easy on ourselves. No idea how long this phase will last but we certainly don't see any end in sight.  We have always taken breaks when dealing with this stuff with the accompanied amnesia and 'waiting' victim parts slipping back in but this time I think the boiler room parts are yelling that this cant be held back any longer, we are in a good enough place..