..dear reader..

It's so good to be able to think about her without having shatter our self into pieces because of where we are and how much it wasn't allowed. The high up networks and their associates were very clear on that. We didn't exist but she especially didn't exist. The worst and most abusive of Russian, British and American histories, cultures and military have all meshed up together and protected by all that off Terra horror tech and outposts and facilities. Something in us was urging us to fight harder to pay attention to figure out what was going on. The system was so familiar. We had spent so long with them. How the hell did people figure out evil had such applications? We had already done most of the work all we had to do was open up to the memories and we knew what to do. We fell to pieces when we found him and realised that although we had freed people from machines and apparatus like this before without killing them when much smaller we were know but we couldnt do i...

It really means something that we are writing and thinking about her. "Julia". We spent a lot of timing not being amnesiac of her but unable to tell people because of what they who do, how closely we were watched. Of course things we happen sometimes that would make people wonder. "There seems to have been two people in the room with your DNA one pregnant, one not."  .. "you seem to have been at two places at the same time." She was used for all the stuff that they couldnt get us to do because we have an physically intact brain. Lots and lots of pressure to hate her. To get rid of her because she was being used to do so much harm and let them destroy the evidence that she ever existed. But she was me. She was all victims and we are real and we have to do everything we can to stop it because its so evil and because it functions by enslaving creatures like me and her. All the numbers kept saying there was no way to get us both out without stopping all of ...

There was two of us. There is senses of various stories. She sacrificed herself for me. They were intending on keep one off in pain and misery whilst protecting and nurturing the other. The war to get us back was raging and they knew they knew that plan was in danger. It was supposed to me but she didnt me to go through any more she made them think she was me. We were both so tiny we can't be sure from here. They didn't kill her they just cut almost all of her out her head. We went through phases of being angry that people weren't doing more to help her and get her out like they did me. Then we would remember or be told what they had turned her into. Even though we understood it was impossible for it to not add to the sense of distance between us and everyone else. I can't remember the exact words the dude on the phone to us in Dundee used when he discussed her autopsy. We remember saying we weren't sure if there was enough left for them to see what had be done t...

Cold has us down. They often do that. Feeling horrible triggers memories of other times of feeling horrible. We wish we could share more about what going on for us. So many amazing stories would be so good to be able to write them, to spend time crating them. To know people were enjoying them. We cant though. We are at a wall. A Russian wall. After so many years of being forced to avoid the subject it is going to be on our mind a lot. Like when Jersey or the Savile stories broke. We are in a much better place than we were during those times though. Cold us brought back when me and the lad had proper flu in Dundee. We thought we could maybe write more about that but apparently not. People know we need hugs. But we will say it again anyway. We need hugs. And words. Good and scary to see news about other planets. Why scary? Have you seen how Earth treats life? All the violent divisions, the extreme exploitation, the total destruction.. The thought of SpaceX being out there at all disgu...

It feels really good to be watching US news channels and journalists again and its not like before where we did it out of vague interest and some dubious sense of duty or make me feel like I was engaging and always ended up unfollowing because the reality of our life was so far away from the world they were reporting I felt even more sub human. It's so public now who the "sub human" is and the reality of our life is without so much ongoing violence, attacks and ops and that de radicalises us. It's possible to feel that common ground between myself and the rest of Earth's humanoid inhabitants isn't just temporary and literal. It's important to enjoy non bullshitty news when its around and your in a position to do so. We are worried about complacency though. It all seems so ridiculous it cant possibly continue in our civilised nation.. We have enough historical insight to know thats a time when liberalism is dangerous as fuck. It's to be in a place ...