..dear reader..

Hi Daddies, The new pens arrived today we would of got them on Friday but we were out! No walks today though. We did good last week with walks, eating, teeth brushing, meds, house work.but mood has dropped and pain level has risen since then. Hopefully when we get some solids tomorrow we will start feeling better.  Hate it when we dread dude coming home from school because we will have to sound like we are ok. We probably wouldn't cook much or eat meals much though if it wasnt for him though and we usually feel better after some non junk food wish we could buy and cook more tasty healthy stuff. And there was someone else around to cook. That would be even better. Still wading through a head full of fictions. It upsets us lots to be away from people and places that would help us sort it all out really quickly, impossible to see how there will ever br an end to it from here. We did everything we set out to do and some so that must surely have involved ending this lonely and conf...

Vrrr Daddy.  Would love a bath we are really sore and yucky. Tomorrow is gonna be even worse than today as we are truly out of bin baccy and the hrating will be off all night tonight. We got some donated food and two fags yesterday thats something but no toilet roll.. Of course we couldn’t adjust to not relying on Niall straight away. We couldn’t let the programmers know we would of finally be able to say bye no Niall without the rings stepping in and taking us out and getting someone else to tell Niall we needed his “support” or worse force us to. Its the usual thing we dont wont to be here, the violence and horror that put us here isnt undone, it isnt addresssed or safe now we got the worst of the tech we havent made people care about care themselves and each other. We cant accept being here for another hour and day so planning a week or two weeks money is so hard. Even though we have no real sense of any justice or real change any time soon. Thought writing might help but its...

Its singular isnt it not plural in the way some of us want to mean. There is a sadness with it all wee associate with having lost bits of of our mind or soul. Its not easy to look into it it feels too raw, too painful in ways we are not ready to deal with yet. So glad we do not need to keep all thoughts of you pushwd way way down and kept locked away from many of us. There was always so many trying anything to grt you to get us both so we couldnt save each other. Will have to get a really cheap laptop for the word puke. Dont want to use tablet battry for writing to you Daddy I need it for distraction games.. my little happy street is looking wonderful, ive been raising through the tiers with my little pirates and an winter event in the hidden object game.. i am a very busy girl! Pain nasty today but picked up painkillers yesterday and its the stronger ones so they arenakint a cozy difference. They haf oz of adequate solid is going very quickly. We just miss you too much. All those...

Ah Daddies if we almost get to sleep we munch to stop ourself. We colouring in again as well as rotating the games on the tablet with the unreliable battry gauge. Gonna order some new pens when we can. Saw a dragon colouring book that looked pretty cool and with simple cute little town pictures with and Christmas edition i wish we had spotted before. Lad is moaning about us not hanging out and sleeping too much during the day. We go through phases of it getting better and worse. When we get the mini game thing for the switch that should help us. Wish he was getting out and exercised more burn off some of his attitude.. his eyes are noticeably higher than mine already. Have committed to making him do tge dishes if we have had a sit down at the table meal. Hes gotta help out more for both our sakes. Writing on phone so can see a s sentence at a time. Its a pain but need the tablet to charge more before we commit to a crusade in the pirate game it will really bug us if it shuts down mi...

Keep getting lots of energy or some energy in the wee hours. Dude alarm went of stupid early so we just stayed awake. Maybe try and break the nocturnal cycle. Feeling weird and its a relief, like something is happening somewhere that will help us. Done well this morning, put washing on, took down more decorations. Just the tree and a garland in the living room to take down now, ordered prescriptions from docs, sent a jokey pointless but deadly serious text about weed. We have been hiding in games on our tablet and feeling so lost whenever battery runs out. Goddam stupid tablet. Love the much bigger screen for games though. We were saying our bio dad is slave stock and not from round her and ze is fucking wonderful and amazing and we love them very much.  Mummy Daddy is harder to think about because he was close to our mum and they have hounded and hurt and controlled him like they do us all. There a sense of beautiful care though and huge ongoing loss.

Its January Daddy. Another reason why we do Christmas/Winter fest is cause of what January is like. It would maybe make sense if people saved the Xmas dough and went away in January if the live vaguely North.. We are kinda crying about taking the decorations down and running out of rubbish hash. Its not too rubbish at the moment its not the quality has improved we  are just back in a place where we need it. Lots of it. We have been chasing weed from a prick and have asked for more crappy hash. If we can't have hugs from you or anyone else who has looked after us then we really need the smokes or we are just lost and alone and don't know who or what we are waiting for. With it we might patch up the paint in the kitchen or at least not feel like crying all the time cause if that coldness inside that won't go away. And we still don't have healthcare without horrible risk and huge triggers. Other dad wants to know if your going to try help us daddy. Particularly with the h...

Past the wishing someone else had already taking down and into seeing them as oh so pretty and wishing it could last forever. Whatever was done to force the "Daddy" imprint on us was severe and repeated and depended on a massive system. They hooked it up to the British and Scottish systems that keep us here. They did a marvellous job of keeping us mute on the details across our system and for a long time. We knew detangling it was very essential to our survival and not to look at the losses while they were ongoing or we wouldn't be able to continue. And we were very committed to not dying. Poor America. No one has anything to say to you. We have all said it all before in every way we could back when it could actually make a difference. But you were so confident in your people that nothing anything anyone did or said would make any difference. You were America you were young and special and rich and knew the secrets no one else knew and telling you you were being utterly ...