18?

Past the wishing someone else had already taking down and into seeing them as oh so pretty and wishing it could last forever. Whatever was done to force the "Daddy" imprint on us was severe and repeated and depended on a massive system. They hooked it up to the British and Scottish systems that keep us here. They did a marvellous job of keeping us mute on the details across our system and for a long time. We knew detangling it was very essential to our survival and not to look at the losses while they were ongoing or we wouldn't be able to continue. And we were very committed to not dying.

Poor America. No one has anything to say to you. We have all said it all before in every way we could back when it could actually make a difference. But you were so confident in your people that nothing anything anyone did or said would make any difference. You were America you were young and special and rich and knew the secrets no one else knew and telling you you were being utterly handled and played just made you more committed.

We would of been much better if it wasn't happening. There was so much wonderfulness in our life and they had to stop it. And they did. Took any sense of well being away from us for a very long time. We have only ever gotten glimpses of it back and it took a long time and work to get even that. Glimpses is all we needed though to remember a fuller spectrum of who we are and where we have been and start to chip endlessly away a the amnesia they forced on us so much it became us, refusing to let go on life and utterly dissociated. There isnt really any other way to be while we are here that is.

Here's to this year though..