bye bye back to hell you mysterious horror dresser

It's gone. It's taken some of the poison from the worst times from before and after moving to Dundee. The details are high up on a shelf in a locked box and we have no motivation to try and find the key. The extremes of we were put through feel in the past now and not stuff that we are still going through. Thought we might be a bit more motivated to re organise and find places for all the stuff taken from the dresser. Weirdly though we don't feel inspired to go through all the existing drawers to make space. We wrapped a couple of presents instead and covered them with a sheet, that will do for now until we have finished sorting out the cupboard. May have to buy more storage boxes but don't to buy anything that isn't definite basic essesntials or xmas presents for Pablo or Us.

We had to make promises serious promises to get ourself here last year. We said we wouldn't attempt to sort out the benefits straight away if they didn't use the ESA form and they didn't. Sitting on the edge of the bed in Fife, or in a B&B walking through towns to catch buses we had to keep ourself going and then do it all again, completely drained and exhausted. We haven't been able to make much genuine promises to ourself during previous moved. It's frying pan, fire or floor and being eaten by a dog. We were fully aware it would be that way until things out of my control made it possible for us to live safer and with some comfort and we had to make sure we still had the mental capacity to recognise it when it happened and the emotional and physical capacity to do any thing about it and there had been at least layers way above the street based stuff that knew that the hiarchies were changing and falling apart so they had to go all in in making sure themselves that the slaves were all dead or permanently dead.

You can see it the Republicans, a total abandonment of ethics and respect for the truth. It's all there is over here but we don't check. It's too horrible, physicaly triggering even. It's not pretty watching such a really sad grasping hold of control over culture where no violence or crime is too much to keep giving them a sense of supreme privilege for just a moment longer and making everything materially and socially worse for everyone including themselves. It's a sickening paranoia and we haven't attempting to watch the long statements from Numpty Nunes or the twat in the shirt or the conservative women bot.. No one wants what they have but people will have their rights to exist and have at least a chance of living with some hope and comfort to be respected.

So glad there is signs of a genuine effort to prevent fascism from taking over the US constitution. It feels real. Not like something where the verdict was determined millions of years ago. We wish we had the self awareness and mental capacity to understand fully what that means. We can feel though and it feels different better and like I've gone from living in the dark in a small cold room to being outside and warm and safe. It is definitely better of course to be watching the hearings and listening to committed solid Americans than watching the putrid ones gloat it all goes wrong but we don't catasrophise like we used and don't instantly assume that it would start bringing the end to any decency in power across the planet or that would mean the instant death of democracy in the US. Especially since they are doing such a good job of pissing off the military, pissing the intelligence community off and most of the rest of the civil services and anyone everywhere who cares genuinely about anything daily.

We gotta fill some more promises. Food and maybe booze. But definitely hot water bottle and bed.

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