Garden Love
Been happy to leave to the neighbours in there's over the past week of bright dry days. Today we were out there though, staying mindful that we will want to do some watering and feeding this evening as well so don't go stupid. Glad its not the first year with the outside areas we took on with the lease. The major obstacles to us enjoying and loving and getting creative with the space are gone or greatly reduced. Start at the back and work down. Focus on what we put there and has survived not getting too much new stuff we can't afford and can't look after then feel guilty about. Focus the excitement on the things that are on the way and preparing for them. And of course the things we already have. The extreme and most unpleasant work already done. Plans we are currently working do include a fair bit of digging. Carefully. And not for too long.
Late start. But it has begun. Junior utterly non enthusiastic. To get him to move some heavy stuff and then got him to put a load of his on washing in the washing machine, put in soap and fabric condition as he loves his fluffies and turn it on. So glad we have you to talk to about gardening.
This a doodle from last night. It's very rough but you get the idea.
Good start on clearing and digging. Lack of exercise and mistakes in pervious years over gardening mean I will not be doing any more digging or moving around lumps of concrete today. Back to bed and hot water bottle and wishing someone else would clean the kitchen and put on the pasta.
Get to be creative as well lift heavy things tomorrow. If we can might ask Junior to put the stove in place ones it's done. Make in feel involved. Ordered a comfy camping chair for him that should help him get him out once it gets here. The bare root pink rose has been dispatched.. Bare roots probably the best way to order plants this now. We gambled on some plug plants weeks ago that was a mistake but maybe there will still be some life in one or two.
When we can't put off shops any longer we are going to in prepared, plan and go over the plan repeatably to try and reduce dithering, confusion and any other symptoms of really bad anxiety that put me in at genuine risk. Also don't really not want to leave without everything we need or really really want. Will need something to sip by the fire once this bit has been done.
We let feelings of comfort, relief and gladness creep up on us like a nervous cat that wants to sit on our lap but hasn't done so before. If we look at her, if we move at all she will be off back under the bed but there is only so long we can stay sit still and contained. We are safe and warm in here and have a little space to make outside or just point our nose point to the sun. Further out there is quite villagey, there's open spaces. There has been times when it has actually made sense to not feel comfort because it was so fleeting it made everything worse it was false hope but we didn't fight and run and push ourself so hard for so long just to live so rigid with anxiety we can't respond to the positive changes we brought about, we won for us, for me and for the boy. We need to see those much better things, we need to recognise and accept all of it to just live not in pain all the time.
We did indeed manage to tidy up. And fed some shrubs and stuck our nose and cheeks covered in SPF 15 moisturiser to the sun, looked on our bit with gratitude pride. Painting and repainting possibilities in our mind. Glad and not glad we went through all booze in the groceries so quickly and we really can't just nip out and get more. There was an offer on a flash gin I thought we could use responsibly over days maybe even a week or so after gardening but it was too lovely and too small a bottle and we drank it all. Lychee and something. Amazing it went down very easy both with and without the soda with Sicilian lemon. Just beautiful.
Good idea to it make a conscious cornaverus thing and not just something that happens anyway but we feel guilty about it. A.m and earlier afternoon hours for the older lady with the husband in a home on nice days, whereas us who are usually asleep or not well during those hours can have afternoons and evenings. Things are very good. New rose has arrived. New tops to. Big baggy ts that should cope with our ups and downs in weight. Not cotton but shapes that work with our shapes dunno if we got cotton vest that will cover all undulations underneath comfortably. Box of summer clothes under the bed to check out and that's notable. Only have one bra that fits round everything we need it to and it needs washing really bad. Fabreeze? Don't think the underboob cist would like that. Yeah I maybe should think about talking to someone about that. It is very much like all the others though.
Will it ever get easier? The whole drink water/inhaler/wash at least once and sometimes twice a day/wash teeth twice a day thing? Regular enough is a lot better than haphazard. We have lived that.
Dead tricky trying to find the most sensible place between agoraphobic social anxiety, social distancing as a vulnerable but not extremely vulnerable person who needs exercise and sunshine to make her less vulnerable.. The added complex, uncomfortable possibly lethal consequences dimension to supermarket anxiety.. We have milk and bread and baccy so lets put the anxiety and craving for a bird feeder and as much booze as I can carry on a shelf for now..
and take down the knobbly, spiky and sticky issue of trying to get Junior to understand the need for handwashing more and wearing a mask in shops. Been keeping to the ten thing and got him to find a book series that he had already been told was a series but had didn't remember.
Pencils and erasers hope to pick them up and draw and make pictures out of my garden dreams. Will be something to help us settle out there and not just start grabbing nettles or digging.
Checked out the summer clothes box and theres stuff in there that looks like it might fit, lenin shorts and three quarter lengths. Two vest that might fit and three that were binned. They're folded on a shelf. Found a pencil.
don't worry we didn't attempt to dig up half our patch and do and shopping trip in one day espically as when we looked out the back there was like five or six people gardening or pottering about. Took the rose out it's bag though as could have the stress of it drying out and it not coming back would be dealt with. Lo and behold did we not find grocery delivery slots when we were recovering from the shop trip and not for in like two weeks time but soon really soon. Woke Pablo up with the news but he didn't seem too enthused. He has no idea what this means..
I'm typing by the window with muscles that were pushed today with shopping and gardening, eyes and brain enough to notice the trees went from chocolate skeletons to lime explosions in the days since we last sat here.
Would be stressful when the 80 items exactly when ordered arrives that the teeny tiny kitchen isn't also disgusting and messed up. Feeling a bit off probably because of the over indulgence with the wine and chocolate knowing more as on its way. Need to take the phone with me when watering and feeding don't we? Spotted a perfect aquilia yesterday from seeds thrown last year. Few times we had wished we had more info on what is what to avoid pulling pretty things and leaving the not so nice. Neighbour was good for that last year.
Glad we taking our time to think and plan and doodle the garden plans and not just charge forth unto costly mistakes and avoidable injuries. The physical distancing has been helping us do that. Theres a new neighbour been really busy looked like a load of people where milling around out there when she has helpers and the retired folk out to. Its not social anxiety anymore its social responsibility. It's self care not low self esteem. ..
The rose is safe she's out side by the door in a bucket with compost water and tucked up in the wrappings she came in until tomorrow when we will be able dig and prepare a proper hole for her. The climbing structure is for the other one is here to. Haven't looked at it yet.
Junior has been talking with more depth and sensitivity.. He's said he doesn't want to move before but it was different this time he was being more serious and thoughtful about it. We feel very similar and its calming to be able to accept where we are without needing to always be focused on finding and working for a way out.
Did we say we found the mini sunflower seeds?
Late start. But it has begun. Junior utterly non enthusiastic. To get him to move some heavy stuff and then got him to put a load of his on washing in the washing machine, put in soap and fabric condition as he loves his fluffies and turn it on. So glad we have you to talk to about gardening.
This a doodle from last night. It's very rough but you get the idea.
Get to be creative as well lift heavy things tomorrow. If we can might ask Junior to put the stove in place ones it's done. Make in feel involved. Ordered a comfy camping chair for him that should help him get him out once it gets here. The bare root pink rose has been dispatched.. Bare roots probably the best way to order plants this now. We gambled on some plug plants weeks ago that was a mistake but maybe there will still be some life in one or two.
When we can't put off shops any longer we are going to in prepared, plan and go over the plan repeatably to try and reduce dithering, confusion and any other symptoms of really bad anxiety that put me in at genuine risk. Also don't really not want to leave without everything we need or really really want. Will need something to sip by the fire once this bit has been done.
We let feelings of comfort, relief and gladness creep up on us like a nervous cat that wants to sit on our lap but hasn't done so before. If we look at her, if we move at all she will be off back under the bed but there is only so long we can stay sit still and contained. We are safe and warm in here and have a little space to make outside or just point our nose point to the sun. Further out there is quite villagey, there's open spaces. There has been times when it has actually made sense to not feel comfort because it was so fleeting it made everything worse it was false hope but we didn't fight and run and push ourself so hard for so long just to live so rigid with anxiety we can't respond to the positive changes we brought about, we won for us, for me and for the boy. We need to see those much better things, we need to recognise and accept all of it to just live not in pain all the time.
We did indeed manage to tidy up. And fed some shrubs and stuck our nose and cheeks covered in SPF 15 moisturiser to the sun, looked on our bit with gratitude pride. Painting and repainting possibilities in our mind. Glad and not glad we went through all booze in the groceries so quickly and we really can't just nip out and get more. There was an offer on a flash gin I thought we could use responsibly over days maybe even a week or so after gardening but it was too lovely and too small a bottle and we drank it all. Lychee and something. Amazing it went down very easy both with and without the soda with Sicilian lemon. Just beautiful.
Good idea to it make a conscious cornaverus thing and not just something that happens anyway but we feel guilty about it. A.m and earlier afternoon hours for the older lady with the husband in a home on nice days, whereas us who are usually asleep or not well during those hours can have afternoons and evenings. Things are very good. New rose has arrived. New tops to. Big baggy ts that should cope with our ups and downs in weight. Not cotton but shapes that work with our shapes dunno if we got cotton vest that will cover all undulations underneath comfortably. Box of summer clothes under the bed to check out and that's notable. Only have one bra that fits round everything we need it to and it needs washing really bad. Fabreeze? Don't think the underboob cist would like that. Yeah I maybe should think about talking to someone about that. It is very much like all the others though.
Will it ever get easier? The whole drink water/inhaler/wash at least once and sometimes twice a day/wash teeth twice a day thing? Regular enough is a lot better than haphazard. We have lived that.
Dead tricky trying to find the most sensible place between agoraphobic social anxiety, social distancing as a vulnerable but not extremely vulnerable person who needs exercise and sunshine to make her less vulnerable.. The added complex, uncomfortable possibly lethal consequences dimension to supermarket anxiety.. We have milk and bread and baccy so lets put the anxiety and craving for a bird feeder and as much booze as I can carry on a shelf for now..
and take down the knobbly, spiky and sticky issue of trying to get Junior to understand the need for handwashing more and wearing a mask in shops. Been keeping to the ten thing and got him to find a book series that he had already been told was a series but had didn't remember.
Pencils and erasers hope to pick them up and draw and make pictures out of my garden dreams. Will be something to help us settle out there and not just start grabbing nettles or digging.
Checked out the summer clothes box and theres stuff in there that looks like it might fit, lenin shorts and three quarter lengths. Two vest that might fit and three that were binned. They're folded on a shelf. Found a pencil.
don't worry we didn't attempt to dig up half our patch and do and shopping trip in one day espically as when we looked out the back there was like five or six people gardening or pottering about. Took the rose out it's bag though as could have the stress of it drying out and it not coming back would be dealt with. Lo and behold did we not find grocery delivery slots when we were recovering from the shop trip and not for in like two weeks time but soon really soon. Woke Pablo up with the news but he didn't seem too enthused. He has no idea what this means..
I'm typing by the window with muscles that were pushed today with shopping and gardening, eyes and brain enough to notice the trees went from chocolate skeletons to lime explosions in the days since we last sat here.
Would be stressful when the 80 items exactly when ordered arrives that the teeny tiny kitchen isn't also disgusting and messed up. Feeling a bit off probably because of the over indulgence with the wine and chocolate knowing more as on its way. Need to take the phone with me when watering and feeding don't we? Spotted a perfect aquilia yesterday from seeds thrown last year. Few times we had wished we had more info on what is what to avoid pulling pretty things and leaving the not so nice. Neighbour was good for that last year.
Glad we taking our time to think and plan and doodle the garden plans and not just charge forth unto costly mistakes and avoidable injuries. The physical distancing has been helping us do that. Theres a new neighbour been really busy looked like a load of people where milling around out there when she has helpers and the retired folk out to. Its not social anxiety anymore its social responsibility. It's self care not low self esteem. ..
The rose is safe she's out side by the door in a bucket with compost water and tucked up in the wrappings she came in until tomorrow when we will be able dig and prepare a proper hole for her. The climbing structure is for the other one is here to. Haven't looked at it yet.
Junior has been talking with more depth and sensitivity.. He's said he doesn't want to move before but it was different this time he was being more serious and thoughtful about it. We feel very similar and its calming to be able to accept where we are without needing to always be focused on finding and working for a way out.
Did we say we found the mini sunflower seeds?
